Welcome to Darkside Daily

When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Friday, March 20, 2009

I Refuse

I'm sure most people will remember this dialogue from the movie 'Gladiator'. A true good vs. evil situation, where the 'hero' gets to stare down his nemesis and show him that "it ain't over till it's over".

I wish life was that easy. I wish I could personify all the wrong things that have happened to me - and are happening to me - into a single individual. Especially right now. In my mind, my imaginary 'arch nemesis' would be a few inches taller than me, slightly bigger, exuding confidence behind his line of henchmen. Strong yet beatable, at least in my mind's eye. He has the numbers, all the right cards, and he smiles in victory.

What would I say......?

You know, it's funny. I have often wanted to quit. When you made me an outcast and a nobody, I wanted to quit. When you took me away from my home and burdened me beyond my abilities, I wanted to quit. When I failed, again and again and again until I lost count of the number, I wanted to quit. When you took away my friends and my brothers, I wanted to quit. When I was living alone among a thousand strangers, screaming at the walls and fighting madness, I wanted to quit. My parents told me to quit. You brought love into my life and tore it away from me. You pushed me to the brink, and just when I thought this was it, you'd find a way to drive me deeper still.

But I didn't quit. It was not a show of strength, rather of ignorance, for I didn't know how to quit. And when I weathered that nightmare of a storm, when through grace I survived all that and came out broken yet intact, you attacked me personally by taking away the sun. Then you attacked my family. You invaded my home, my sanctuary, and made it a house of lies, deceit, anguish and tears. You broke my family. But you will not break me.

I refuse.

I have bled too much, come too far, to give you the satisfaction of my surrender. All these wounds, all these scars, they'd all be for nothing then. Nothing!

So keep doing what you're doing. Take more people out of my life, till there is no one left. Break every pillar that I set for myself to rest on. Bring me to my knees and drive me into the dirt. I will not die.

Bring it.

If only it were that simple.

Habakkuk 3:17-18


Jerry said...

Wow, if I was ever in Survivor, I'd want YOU to be on my team.

Charm Bracelet said...

Keep the faith G.

Spice said...

thus, you are stronger than you think you are :)

Delilah said...

What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. So you'll be ok.

PseudoRandom said...

Humans are fallible...no matter how much they love you, there will be times when they let you down. Relying on them to get you through will only lead to disappointment. There is one pillar you can rest yourself upon that no one can break - your faith. Armed with this faith, find the strength within yourself to defeat your demons. That is the only way.

hijinx said...

stay safe.

Messiah of Madness said...

Er... that hardly constitutes emo... =/

Baby Z said...

Ultimately we're all alone. In this day and age we only look out for ourselves. Only fools depend on others. Trust nobody.

Gehan said...

:) thanks all... and sorry to dissappoint, MoM.. :P

Naal said...

Oh wow! Its amazing how someone elses strength can make u stronger isnt it? Thanks for the push gee!! Cheerio!

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