Welcome to Darkside Daily

When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Bah Humbug

And so it's Christmas (eve).

In all my years on this earth, Christmas Eve has always been a day that marked a) me enjoying my birthday loot of the previous day and b) the anticipation of the loot from the next day. Often people have asked me if I got combined 'economy' gifts since my birthday was just 2 days before Christmas, and I have snickered at the thought every time. No, I was lucky in that my generous parents indulged my childish greed.

Fast forward to the present, however, and I feel like something is missing.

I've just turned 26, and I am now looking back at what the average man considers to be a a little over a third of his time on this earth. While I have been known to brood often, I usually am able to go through the holiday season without mournful introspection. This year though has just been very, very different.

It's been a great month in many respects, but not such a great year. More than anything, I feel a sense of relief that it's over, and I can now mentally start a new leaf thanks to the new year. But then, isn't that the case every year? The new year resolutions, the promises, the hope and optimism for a better year to come?

I'm not quite sure why I feel very jaded about this season. Perhaps it's been the work, and the busy schedule I've had this month. Perhaps it's the lack of real family time, and the little time I've had at home being tainted with endless chores and duties for the family. Even now, we are busily clearing up the house for guests next week, and stressing over a plan to go to Nuwara Eliya and Colombo with them. All the while, I'm planning on making a fake excuse to stay at work and skip it all. I'd much rather be left alone.

I have often wondered how my parents are so nonchalant about their birthdays and christmas. Their non-interest in getting presents or treats was something I couldn't quite fathom when I was young, especially since I was usually so giddy with anticipation to dive under the tree and tear off whatever gift wrapping was in my way. Yet, perhaps they've just gotten tired of it all, for at the end of the day, they still had to work till the 23rd, they still had a house to maintain, bills to pay, and often, family to entertain. Perhaps, I now understand it.

Perhaps I'm going through something similar. I hope not.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Sleeping Awake

Last month I (finally) watched 'Inception', and this morning I had a dream.

'Inception' is quite possibly (in my opinion) this decade's equivalent of 'The Matrix'; a stunning and mind-blowing story told in amazing fashion by Christopher Nolan. For those who haven't seen it yet, it tells the story of a group of people who steal ideas and information from others by entering their dreams and tricking their target's minds. I can't even describe it properly and do it justice, so I'm just going to link the imdb page here and you can watch the trailer below.

Take it from me, a really fantastic movie. Not since I saw 'Dark Knight' (coincidentally, another Nolan project) have I actually gone back and pondered over the storyline of a movie long after I had finished watching it.

And now, on to this morning. Today I reached our staff quarters a little earlier than usual, so I decided to take a power-nap before getting dressed for work. As is often the case with these short naps, it was filled with very realistic dreams.

One of them featured two of my very close friends from India, where I studied. Part of me knew it had to be a dream, and yet the rest of me was convinced that they had actually arrived at my work place to surprise me. One of them was my room-mate from college, and as can be expected, he looked exactly like he did back then, down to the terrible hair cut. My other friend was lounging on my bed the way he used to in hostel, reading something with that half-intellectual, half-amused smirk on his face, and for all intents and purposes it might as well have been 2005 all over again.

And then, I woke up.

As my eyes opened, and I took in the very real surroundings of my room, I realised two things: a) I was dreaming and b) I was, surprisingly, exceedingly upset about it. The power that dream had over me was amazing; it took me a good 3-5 seconds to get my head straight, and during that time I felt immense and very real disappointment.

I have no idea why those two featured in my dream, as I haven't spoken to or heard from them in years. Nothing in the recent past made me even think about them of late, and yet somehow my brain dug up those images from almost 6 years ago to replay in my unconscious mind, just like it was yesterday.

Something so random, and yet it got me thinking about the sheer processing power and untapped potential of the human brain, and its amazing ability to lift and destroy our mood, and as a result, our very lives. If it's true we use just 10% of our brains, imagine just how powerful we really are. In fact, the very act of imagining itself is an amazing feat in itself.

I guess I'll end with this; made famous from the movie 'Coach Carter', it's a quote from Marianne Wilson's book "A Return To Love".

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure."

Friday, December 3, 2010

Was This Necessary?

While I'm sure none of my readers would find this worthy of a post, and in fact, most would find this highly amusing (it is quite clever isn't it?), my question is:

Was it necessary?

Happy Holidays.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Family Planning

I'm sure I'm not the only one that stops and wonders "What were they thinking??" when coming across a very large family. I'm not talking about a 'family of five', mind you; I'm talking basketball team plus reserves. While I'm sure there are ways to handle such a large family, it just strikes me as being silly and inviting conflict more than anything else, especially these days. Some kid always ends up the favourite, and daddy always gives him the 'coat of many colours', and next thing you know his bro's be selling his ass to some tourists.

Raising a family is no laughing matter. It's something that, regrettably, crosses my mind every now and then, much to my own dismay. Perhaps I'm having a mid-twenties crisis; perhaps I just have too much free time. Whatever the reason, it is a legitimate reason for stress.

I mean, have you seen what the kids are doing these days?!

Lets face it; the kids aren't alright. They got issues, stemming from a smorgasbord of factors ranging from the petty to the pretty freaky, and no one can deny it. Naturally, we try to create safe environments for them, organise programmes to teach them it's in fact not a good idea to get knocked up in high school, that drugs and alcohol are only cool when both you and it are legal, and yet somehow, we've forgotten all about the parents.

Who's talking to them?

I am convinced that I would be a terrible father right now, simply because I just haven't experienced enough to qualify myself for the post. As I look at my own parents who, just like all parents, are great but far from perfect, I realise how much of thought and planning went ahead of both my brother's and my arrival into this world. I see how their experiences, both good and bad, have influenced the way they raised us. It's a fascinating study, one that only people who are as jobless as I am seem to notice these days.

But where do you learn about becoming a parent? What kind of life experience could possibly be relevant to the raising of an infant? Sure, there are books and studies on these things, but those are as helpful as googling how to ride a bike. Do our work and social lives really provide us with enlightenment towards being a better parent? Knowing how to organise a party or negotiate a deal or how to raise funds for a charity; all completely useless to a parent. My expertise lies in basketball. I hardly see how my knowledge of a pick-and-roll or a backdoor screen will be relevant at all. And no, none of those are related to sex, you pervert.

It's at this point that my mind freezes, turns to a blue screen and reboots.

I know this is a completely random post, and rest assured I am nowhere near the perils of becoming a parent. Yet, something for you, dear readers, to ponder on before you decide to bring a screaming miniature version of yourself into the world!
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