Spam Comments

.. are absolutely the best!

Despite me hardly blogging of late, the spam-bots have been busy at work, flooding my inbox with anonymous comments and retarded attempts at sounding ‘human’. I’m still at a loss to know how anyone could fall for a spammer, I mean, how stupid must you be to click on a link for “magic penis enlargement – REAL!”? It’s just beyond me.

While I understand how companies out there need to use whatever methods possible to get people to buy their products or visit their websites, I’m somewhat confused as to why they can’t design them better. The English is just atrocious, the grammar is non-existent, and – well, see for yourself.

“good morning fellas. I’m honestly into shoes and I was looking for the sake of that exact brand. The prices as regards the shoes around 300 pounds on every page. But for all I base this location selling them for half price. I in reality like these [fake link here]. I will definitely purchase them. What can you say about it?”
- This was for “Love Hurts”. Clearly, the connection between music, Incubus and feet is obvious to everyone except me.

“I congratulate, an excellent idea”

– I really wanted to put that up, but it was for “Blog Action Day ‘09” and I really had nothing to do with it.

“You have tested it and writing form your personal experience or you find some information online?”

– This was for “I Could Use A Hand Right Now”; so apt, don’t you think?

“Hello. And Bye.”

– One of my favourites.

“You are not right. I can prove it. Write to me in PM, we will talk”

– This was again for “Blog Action Day ‘09”, so I’m assuming he/she/it means I’m wrong about global warming. Well thank goodness for that!

“Exceptional site! Nearly everyone needs to acquire insurance at one time or another, whether it is auto insurance, life insurance, health insurance, or homeowner’s insurance. These times it is more painless than ever to find complimentary insurance quotes for several businesses in order to find the optimal deal. You can also see how to save oodles of money in free gasoline when you acquire your insurance price quotations. [link to insurance site] [link to wedding rings site] [link to site to discover family tree]”

– I have absolutely no idea why after a huge comment about insurance, they include links to wedding rings and family trees. But points for using the words “oodles”.

“You must have seen Ranbir Kapoor’s wonderful chemistry with Katrina Kaif in Ajab Prem Ki Ghajab Kahani. Katrina is really exited to romance Ranbir, obviously in reel life. Katrina is really eager to be a part of Ashtvinayak’s next film that casts Ranbir. However she is well known to this fact that her looks as well as accent can not relate. [link to bollywood blog]”

– Posted in “The Basketball Analogies”, one of my favourite posts. How Bollywood and Basketball are related, or how Ray Allen points to Katrina Kaif, is yet another mystery that only the spam-gods can understand. On the other hand, I’m SO excited about Ranbir Kapoor’s wonderful on-screen chemistry though, and I can’t WAIT to see his next project!

“Naja, ob das alles so richtig is...”

– Posted on “My Reason For Blogging”. All I have to say to that is: “Arschloch! Heil Hitler!”

“高松宮記念の最新予想！オッズ、厳選買い目は？！レースの鍵を握る馬は裏情報を特別公開”

- And then I get spam in Japanese. Apparently this is about horse racing or something. Sheesh.

Of course spam is not restricted to my blog; twitter gives me enough and more headaches on a daily basis. I just have to tweet about something remotely popular to have all these bots following me. Sports, music, movies – anything is a trigger for a spam-bot. Of course, the most annoying are the bots which add you for no particular reason, but have some half-naked women as a display picture and a handful of tweets, all linking to her “private webcam”. As I delete them, I just wonder what are the odds that perhaps one of them is actually a real person? Just my luck.

However my favourite has to be the MSN spam messages I get from infected contacts. I sign in and I get a list of offliners from different people, earnestly telling me that “Bob” has been using some secret pills to enhance his sex life so they stole a few to check, and lo and behold, they actually WORK! Just $5 too, how could I resist?

How could I indeed. The moron that falls for that should be given a special prize, like a live chat with a call-girl of his choice.

A call-girl that’s a 29 year old guy sitting in a cubicle in India.


Feel free to add on any interesting spam comments you’ve come across!