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When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Monday, April 6, 2009

A Time To Heal

I've had a bit of a revelation.

It literally stopped me in my tracks.

It takes a lot to do that. Especially of late; I've been moving forward recklessly, oblivious to the surroundings, simply because everything around me has been crumbling to the ground.

I have had the worst three months ever. This year started with so much promise and then went steadily downhill, first dragging me and then subsequently my family along into the depths.

I went through a difficult breakup with someone whom I loved very much, a person who just 'fit' better than anyone has in the past and better than I had ever imagined possible. It's difficult to let go off someone simply because of the distance; it's even harder to let go of someone that doesn't want to let go of you either. These new wounds hurt deep, leaving scars that are ugly in their appearance and yet comforting in the familiarity and memories they induce.

My family went through a horrendous trial that threatened to tear it apart from the inside. It seemed the very walls of our home were falling in around our ears, as if the only way to cure the cancer was to kill the patient.

I cried out to the heavens and begged for help, for mercy, for something! And miraculously, just when all hope was lost, there was a breakthrough.

The family is at peace, for now. The Sun is still missing from my skies, but I have grown accustomed to the darkness that the shadows have brought, along with the icy coolness that permeates my skin and chills my veins due to the absence of the warming light.

I am a fighter. Always have been, not because of my own strength but because of Someone greater than me. I have been mauled so many times, failed so many times, and been struck by near-fatal blows so many times that I have become numb to the dull throbbing pain that forever resides beneath my skull. My only option was to keep going on, doggedly, because to slow down or stay still would be equivalent to admitting defeat, and I am NOT a quitter!

At least, I thought that was my only option. Until I heard a familiar still calm voice saying, "Gehan. Stop. It is time to heal."

I've been so busy 'fighting' that I've neglected to pause and 'heal'. I've had this image of a boxer in my head, continuously swinging at his opponent through the blurred vision of his swollen eyes, but I've forgotten that every boxer takes a break between rounds. You can't 'come out swinging' if you never go back to your corner and recuperate.

So this is me, dropping my gloves and stopping in my tracks. This is me picking up the pieces, and trying to put them back together. This is me attending to the scars and the wounds instead of ignoring them and adjusting my movements to the pain. This is me, finally submitting to the trainer upstairs, and allowing Him to administer His healing balms. This is me admitting that I am hurting, and knowing that by resting I will become stronger. This is me not trying to forge ahead in my weakened state. This is me, acknowledging that I can't fix everything. This is me, acknowledging that I can't fix anything until I fix myself.

This is me getting ready for the next round.

Do you need to 'heal'....?


Delilah said...

acknowledgement is the first step. and it sure sounds like you are on the right track. things will be better eventually. stay strong.

PseudoRandom said...

Everyone needs time to heal...but not everyone knows it. Healing takes time, and the path isn't always clear. The revelation that you have healed kinda sneaks up on you, and you surprise yourself with your 'inner peace'. And sometimes, this new you doesn't want to fight...doesn't need to fight any more. Trust me, it's a good feeling :-).

Step out of the situation and observe it from afar. A new perspective always helps.

And you know you said you're a fighter, not because of yourself but because of the Big Guy in the Sky? You're a fighter not just because of Him, but because of your faith in Him :-). That faith is something a lot of people can't maintain when the going gets tough. So don't underestimate yourself dude!

Charm Bracelet said...

Psalm 91:3-4

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence; he will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

Time out G. Like I said...keep the faith. Be strong. :)

TheWhacksteR said...

nice one dude, writing helps especially when you do so with unrestraint. every batman needs his batcave to fresh up! things r downhill plunging for a lot of people. but hold on yeah

Dishilicious said...

wow! wow! wow! i can very well relate to what you're saying!
" This is me, acknowledging that I can't fix anything until I fix myself". - completely agree with you. Good Luck!!

Jerry said...

*Hands you Medipack and wrench.

Go fix yourself, brother!

Gehan said...

delilah: so true.. thanks!

PR: ur too kind, as always... :) thanks

charms: that was special.. thank u :)

whacky: ur abs right.. the venting helped tho.. thanks!

dishilicous: glad i could write something that spoke to u :) thanks!

jerry: lol thanks dude...! :D

Sabby said...

*Points magic wand...casts spell*

There, all better now! =)

And comment moderation??! About damned time, G...what with the Z's and all commenting =)

Anonymous said...

Hey... keep your chin up... Things will brighten up eventually...
Besides, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

I don't do this often but *hug*... ahem...now let's pretend that never happened.

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