Welcome to Darkside Daily

When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Domestic Disturbance

Though many have questioned my affinity for evil (with MC going so far as to say I have just a 'tinge'), I must agree that even I am not evil enough to make light of fights in the family. I have been on this earth 24 years now, and in almost every circle of society I have been a part of, there is always at least one tale of sorrow and separation in the family unit.

It's no surprise that in today's world, divorce is on the rise. We have no trouble blaming it on 'Western influences', just like we blame everything from obesity to global warming on them. Perhaps there is some grain of truth in it though; the ease in which divorces seem to be reached nowadays in the western world is probably motivation for us to seek the easy way out rather than to stick it out and fix issues. Not only that, but divorce has become so much more socially acceptable that any deterrent effect that may have had on a couple seeking divorce has evaporated.

I am not married, and I have no backing to lay blame or to declare the right and wrong of the issue. Personally, I have what may be considered an 'old-fashioned' view on marriage, in that I consider it binding. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, just like I believe in God. I don't know about you, but I'd be rather unnerved, to say the least, to break a promise that I make in front of God and a cloud of witnesses. Naive? Sue me.

But when I think about the youth of today, growing up in families that are continuously on edge, tearing each other apart, living in a world filled with violence, anger, lies, betrayal - I wonder perhaps if separation is, in a way, a sweet release. If you told a child that mom and dad will stop fighting if they separate, I think anyone would take it.

My family, just like every family, has had problems. I know full well how it feels to wake up in the morning and pray that the issues of the previous night have been resolved and do not find their way to the breakfast table. I know full well how it feels when those prayers are not answered. However, I am an adult, and so I have to think like one as well. And I wonder, how fair is it for me to expect a family to stay together just for the kids? Isn't that asking for too much; asking grown men and women to put up with their hatred and disgust with each other simply so that they can give an impression of unity to the kids and the outside world?

We have too many young adults in the world now with daddy issues. While some of them may turn out alright and record songs about their problems like Staind, the rest are only contributing to the broken next generation. The problem with marriage, in my opinion, is that we are naive to think it only affects the two people involved. It doesn't. This isn't dating, and you're not in high school. There are families involved, not only when there are children, though that just makes it all the more detrimental.

Perhaps we just need to take a step back and realise what marriage really entails before we dive into it simply because our folks are getting antsy for grandchildren or because some dude fell on his knees at dinner and shoved a diamond into your gaping face.

And this is my version of Staind's "For You". Click here to download the song if you don't have the patience to watch the video.

Staind - For You


myprerogative said...

Great post!
BY all means its fair to expect ppl to stay together for the Kids, its their responsibility.... its tough, but thats what ppl who own up to their responsibility end up doing!

as for Satind, bro... i don't know how well they ended up, depressed bunch if you ask me... used to be my fav band for a good 5 to 6 years and ended up realizing how their music just contributes to aggravate ur depression..... They have some good music though :P

Dee said...

I know a mum who's staying for her kids. and how misarable the whole family is. I dunno....if it makes the kids life terrible, whats the point? isnt it better to have peace of mind...

myprerogative said...

beleive ur in Kandy?
But you have been Invited!

FINroD said...

interesting post indeed.... thts y i always say u shud be financial and mentally stable to get married... I have an aunt who s divorced and well for a couple of years she tried to make it work for the sake of the kids but it was bad.. now she s happier i think.. her kids are also ok... they still see there father on holidays... guess if somethings not meant to be.. its not meant to be.. or maybe ppl just fall apart after sometime.. :S idk..

tash said...

well.. I know a friend who went through hell because of her parents issues. From the age of about 10 she chose to live in my house rather than hers.She would have preffered if her parents did divorce. She'd rather see them happy separately than fighting and staying together!

myprerogative said...

sorry forgot the link,

PseudoRandom said...

Very good post. For me, the bit that hit home was "The problem with marriage, in my opinion, is that we are naive to think it only affects the two people involved." I think that statement is as relevant for a couple about to get married as it is for a couple thinking of getting divorced. I think the best way to deal with it depends on the individuals and the situation.

Sabby said...

Interesting post. All families have problems, whether minor or major. Even newly married couples, while enjoying a few years of bliss, would face problems of some sort. It's an eventual thing.

Divorce is a heinous option available to families. Nothing can break it down the way the D word would. It breaks people, children and everyone around, as you said. Oh the horror stories I have heard.

I guess it goes without saying that marrying the right person who'd bear it all and has your perspective on loyalty and compromise etc etc is the key. But sometimes, even WITH all that and how well you try to make it work, marriages still fail. Sad, noh?!

I am rambling.
Sorry, got distracted by your video.
*swoons* =)

pissu perera said...

the choice between divorcing and staying should be a choice between the lesser evil, no? by lesser evil i mean if staying is having a destructive effect on everyone, children AND adults, then best option would be to leave.

at the risk of stepping on toes, i think it's a good thing the stigma attached to divorce is gone now. some issues are not fixable and leaving should always be an option.

i know a family where the father was abusive, both physically and verbally, towards the mother. after 20 years she worked up the nerve to kick him out only to have the "family" step in and say "no no men, think of your children, work it out". it was then that she put her foot down and say none of you are around when i'm getting beaten or my children listen to me being abused, enough is enough, out you all go.

marriage shouldn't be a punishment no?

ps - sorry about the long harangue :)

Gehan said...

myprerogative: thanks.. and u have a point.. as for staind, they're old stuff was a bit depressing, but they are still a good band :)

DC: u have a point, n ive wondered about that.... its difficult to lay down a concrete law abt it...

finrod: interesting points...

tash: so sorry to hear abt ur fren.. i can only imagine.. it is terrible, thats why i say that u need to be prepared b4 entering into marriage, it isnt jus a walk in da park..

myprerogative: haha sorry dude, im in da hills. no beach side booze up for me :)

pseudorandom: im glad u liked it! and yes, i agree, very true..

sabby: lol no, pls, u make a good point! im glad its generated interest.. and relax, ur da only one who seems to have noticed da vid.. lol :D

PP: yes, lesser of two evils.. but dnt u think that if da other option of leavin wasnt so easily available, then things could be resolved? but of course, there r DEF some instances when u HAVE to get out... and no, do NOT apologise for the harangue :)

krazykyd said...

loved the last line... ;D

T said...

very nice! keep em coming :)

Gehan said...

krazykyd: glad u liked it bro.. been a long time!

T: thanks! ;)

Icarus said...

Marriage man, its easy to confuse it with an elongated relationship, but the truth is that the basic foundations of each are different. glad you're not married though!

mixedblessings89 said...

Hello :)

It's funny, this post is actually a horrible reminder of school... you see, most of the time, my parents are alright (rather like the way you described your family), but growing up, I didn't really know too many people my age who could claim that. Broken relationships were a fact, and it was even worse when they (the parents) were still together. Fights everyday... more than everyday, actually, and I know this sounds oh- so- bollywood- ish, but when you're 16, 17, and your friends are breaking down, and you don't know what to do... it's a terrifying experience. So many of them were one bad day away from suicide, and it was a fact of all our lives.

The effect it had on me was quite simple, actually- I now think marriage is a useless waste of time, especially the Indian kind, where so often the couple doesn't even know each other, and later there are fights. I also find it much harder to trust people now.

Oh, and when people say they are together 'because of the children', what bull shit. Seriously. I mean, who are they trying to fool? The kids would rather they suck it up, really.

Reading your point of view was very interesting, since you're slightly older.

Makuluwo said...

Interesting point you make. It's so true in Sri Lankan culture, man.. the old aunties talk about marriage like it's all only about some sacred union between two people from 'good families' and 'a good background' and such, no one bothers talking about how they'd be compatible as parents.

And dude, the video... like, woah. Srsly, you should go for a musical career if you haven't already. :|

PseudoRandom said...

Dude I just watched the video (didn't have time when I last commented, sorry!) - I think this is my favourite yet! Keep 'em coming :-)

PseudoRandom said...

Oh and yeah...international collaboration is actually a bloody good idea! Not just a set of sexy fingers now, are we? ;-)

Gehan said...

icarus: :O and why do u say that?? :D

mixedblessings89: as painful as ur experience is, i doubt u can altogether discard marriage as 'useless'.. the exceptions do not make the rule.. :) and yes im older, but that doesnt mean i kno wat im talkin abt.. lol

makuluwo: thanks a lot! but i doubt it pays well ;) lol

pseudorandom: haha thank u! and no, im not! in fact i have a rather sexy bum as well...

PseudoRandom said...

Oh do you, now? Careful with these claims, mister hawt blogger...you never know when someone will ask you to provide evidence ;-)

alicia said...

No need for evidence. There are 2-3 readers, maybe more, who will agree to testify under oath.

YOU brought it up gehan! :D And I could not resist.

Baby Z said...

True. I know couples who have been married for over 50 years and some couples who were divorced after only a year. In my opinion it's the kids whose parents either fought all the time or were divorced who generally have the highest chance of getting a divorce themselves.

I've only been married for a couple years but I knew what I was getting myself into cuz my husband and I have been best friends since we were kids (his family lived in the house next to mine). He was my boyfriend in high school and college, then we got engaged and then we jumped the broom. I've never even had any other boyfriends other than him and we're both 27 years old too. We share the same music, the same movies, and even some of the same friends. We share the same views on kids and religion (or shall I say lack of).

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