Mobile Madness

It's a Friday night, and being the socialite that I am (not), I'm about to head out of the house. Before I head out the door however, I do my pre-flight routine. Unlike members of the fairer sex, it doesn't involve running back to the room and completely changing my outfit for the 81st time ("ooh! im so fat!!"), it's much simpler than that. Tap right thigh, tap left thigh, tap right butt cheek. No I don't get a kick outta touching myself, neither am I superstitous; its simply a way to check if I have my keys, my phone and my wallet.

You would think that out of these three 'essentials', the wallet would be the most important item to carry. But then again, lets review. Can you really imagine yourself stepping out into the world without your cellphone? I mean, without your wallet, well, SOMEONE will pay for you, surely. And without your keys, well, you'll work SOMETHING out. But the cell?! It's irreplaceable! How will people get in touch with me? How will I take pictures of my dinner? How will I be able to check my email while I'm eating dinner? How will I update my blog while I'm in the loo? How will I call ANYONE? (Cos of course, you don't remember a single phone number by memory; who needs to, its in the phone!) I know people who even save their ATM pin numbers in their phonebook, under inconspicuous names , like "ATM PIN" or "Rob-Mee-Blind".

Yes, the cell phone is indispensable. I myself am a testament to that. If my phone battery dies when I'm out, I'm in panic. Because, like many people, I'm under the happy delusion that the entire world is trying desperately to get in touch with me at that very minute, and that as soon as my phone is back on again, my inbox will be flooded with msgs from friends and family, wondering if I'm alright, and of course to tell me that I've won the lottery.

So just imagine losing a cell-phone. I have luckily never done that, but I know quite a few people who have, and let me tell you, its quite an ordeal. Just the thought that some evil thieving slimy no-good soul-less person is using YOUR cell phone with reckless abandon is enough to drive the sanest of people completely berserk. Which leads me to wonder: why havent we devised some form of anti-theft device for cell phones? We have thumb-print scanners for laptops, even retina scanners for the extremely insecure. Why not some form of hi-tech accessory or feature that limits the use of the phone to, well, you! Or perhaps a GPS locator device? Or even better, something with TNT and a detonator that will 'self-destruct in 10 seconds' if you press the secret button hidden in your Rolex?

But no. Instead of trying to work out some fool-proof way to keep our phones safe and in our pockets, people think they'd rather spend time and money to construct... this.

Yes, this my friend, is the Elephant Cell Phone Gadget. What does it do? You'll never guess! It cleans your ears. I kid you not! Follow the link above if you don't believe me...

I must admit, I have never been a 100% fan of the whole mp3-cell phone concept, but compared to this engineering marvel... well, I'd rate that the greatest invention since the wheel in my opinion!


For a further list of bizarre gadgets, click here.