A Time To Heal

I've had a bit of a revelation.


It literally stopped me in my tracks.


It takes a lot to do that. Especially of late; I've been moving forward recklessly, oblivious to the surroundings, simply because everything around me has been crumbling to the ground.


I have had the worst three months ever. This year started with so much promise and then went steadily downhill, first dragging me and then subsequently my family along into the depths.

I went through a difficult breakup with someone whom I loved very much, a person who just 'fit' better than anyone has in the past and better than I had ever imagined possible. It's difficult to let go off someone simply because of the distance; it's even harder to let go of someone that doesn't want to let go of you either. These new wounds hurt deep, leaving scars that are ugly in their appearance and yet comforting in the familiarity and memories they induce.

My family went through a horrendous trial that threatened to tear it apart from the inside. It seemed the very walls of our home were falling in around our ears, as if the only way to cure the cancer was to kill the patient.


I cried out to the heavens and begged for help, for mercy, for something! And miraculously, just when all hope was lost, there was a breakthrough.


The family is at peace, for now. The Sun is still missing from my skies, but I have grown accustomed to the darkness that the shadows have brought, along with the icy coolness that permeates my skin and chills my veins due to the absence of the warming light.


I am a fighter. Always have been, not because of my own strength but because of Someone greater than me. I have been mauled so many times, failed so many times, and been struck by near-fatal blows so many times that I have become numb to the dull throbbing pain that forever resides beneath my skull. My only option was to keep going on, doggedly, because to slow down or stay still would be equivalent to admitting defeat, and I am NOT a quitter!


At least, I thought that was my only option. Until I heard a familiar still calm voice saying, "Gehan. Stop. It is time to heal."


I've been so busy 'fighting' that I've neglected to pause and 'heal'. I've had this image of a boxer in my head, continuously swinging at his opponent through the blurred vision of his swollen eyes, but I've forgotten that every boxer takes a break between rounds. You can't 'come out swinging' if you never go back to your corner and recuperate.


So this is me, dropping my gloves and stopping in my tracks. This is me picking up the pieces, and trying to put them back together. This is me attending to the scars and the wounds instead of ignoring them and adjusting my movements to the pain. This is me, finally submitting to the trainer upstairs, and allowing Him to administer His healing balms. This is me admitting that I am hurting, and knowing that by resting I will become stronger. This is me not trying to forge ahead in my weakened state. This is me, acknowledging that I can't fix everything. This is me, acknowledging that I can't fix anything until I fix myself.


This is me getting ready for the next round.


Do you need to 'heal'....?