"Mighty, Mighty" : The Power Of The Mob

It has been an unsettling couple of days in the city of Manipal, India. I use the term 'city' here very liberally however, as Manipal is more a student suburb, an elevated hamlet saturated with universities ranging from medicine to management to hospitality to engineering. The most famous of these are the Kasturba Medical College and the Manipal Institute of Technology; I was a proud student of the latter.

On the 10th of March, 21-year-old Ishan Nihalani, a second year engineering student suffered a serious head injury when he fell off the footboard of college bus on the way to class. Four days later, due to complications, he succumbed to his injuries. Immediately after this, the student council raised several issues with the director of the university, asking for disciplinary action against the reckless bus driver as well as to address the issue regarding the inadequate number of buses providing transport from the hostels to the university, a point which had been brought up repeatedly in the past. The MIT campus has banned all forms of private transport for the last 5-6 years, leaving students with only two options to get to class from their hostels - take the college bus or walk the 1.5km to 2km distance from the hostels to the classrooms. However, there are just not enough buses to accomodate all the students, a situation further exacerbated by the newly appointed director's decision to double the student intake of the college this year.

The details of what happened next are, at best, somewhat conflicting, but the consensus is that the director not only refused to acknowledge the role of the bus driver and the college in this accident, but instead laid the blame solely on the student for being late to class. If he had not been careless and had been on time, apparently, he would not have died.

This careless remark set off a riot among the student body, as grieving classmates and friends joined with agitated seniors to destroy property and then form a 2000 strong mob outside the university building, demanding the resignation of the director. Police were called in, as well as the Vice Chancellor of the university to negotiate with the student council and the director. After several hours, the Vice Chancellor appeared to the vocal mob, and announced that the director has resigned.

The video can be seen below.

It would seem unfathomable that the director of an educational institute would speak so flippantly regarding the life of one her students, but I for one am not at all surprised. Many times in my own experiences, the management and board of most large educational institutes in the Asian sub-continent view the student body as an agitated, lazy, undeserving collection of rich, spoilt children. Rarely do they see them as individuals who have specific needs and weaknesses, much less human beings eager to learn. An incident like this, no matter how innocent the victim, is immediately chalked up to negligence on the student's part, as the college does its best to wash its hands off from anything that besmirches the university's reputation, thus putting the names and jobs of the staff and faculty above the needs and rights of the students they teach.

This whole fiasco leaves me with very mixed emotions. On the one hand I'm disgusted that a person like the now former director of MIT could ever reach such an esteemed post while clearly having no connection with the student's that walk through her halls. This is not some petty revolt regarding raised hostel fees or some boycott of a campus club; this is the death of a student. But as I mentioned before, I am not at all surprised, for it seems that this sort of detachment is a prerequisite for the job. When I was in my second year, a senior had died in a car accident. When his friends approached the director at that time to inform the parents, he coldly picked up the phone in front of them, and said "Sir? Your son is dead, please come and collect the body."

On the other hand, I feel a great sense of pride in the student body at MIT. I don't condone violence or vandalism, and I have often denounced the petty protests that we had in college as being excessive (we once went on strike because the mess food wasn't tasty). But given these circumstances, I'll tell you now, I would have been right there in the middle of that crowd, chanting "Resign!" just like everyone else. I'm proud that for once, the students rallied together for a worthy cause, and for once, justice, however mediocre, was served.

We as Sri Lankans should take note of these events as well, for our universities are more famous for their protests and strikes rather than for any real academic achievements. In fact, the only times we hear of anything newsworthy from these bastions of local education is when some student is either ragged or if there is a strike by the student body. Ragging especially has only escalated in the last few years, with more students being physically and emotionally (and in some cases, sexually) abused while the perpetrators are allowed to go scot-free. No actions are taken to prevent these incidents, no one is held accountable, and the educational system of the country continues it's slow but steady decline. Somewhere, it has to stop, yet sadly the few academics who are genuine educators at heart are few and far between.

If you watched that clip, you can hear towards the end of it the vice chancellor imploring the students to please go back to class the next day, now that their demands have been met.

Wherever Ishan is, I'm sure he wishes that he could comply.

How Pop Music Is Infiltrating Your Brain And Turning It Into Mush

A couple days ago while browsing some music on Youtube with my brother, we stumbled across some songs which had been reversed for 'fun'. When he asked why anyone would do that, I explained the concept of back-masking to him. I was rather hazy on the details myself, so we went through this Wikipedia page. For those who want the summarized version - back-masking is a technique used in music where certain parts of a recording are recorded in reverse and then played forward. These recordings sound completely unintelligible and unique played forward, and only become coherent when they are played backwards. Back in the eighties and nineties, everyone got very worked up because some artists were using this technique to include some rather disturbing messages about Satan and drugs in their songs. My brother was especially shocked to hear that Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" has been alleged to contain a pretty strange satanic message in it as well.

Now while a lot of this can be disputed, it's still a bit unsettling. I'm not entirely sure how much of it is authentic, but the thought that there were people out there trying to send secret messages into your brain was so enticing that the hype carried the story for over a decade. Fast forward to the 21st Century and we don't talk about 'subliminal messages' anymore unless the person doing it is bald and in a wheelchair.

"Your iPhone is not tracking you. I repeat, your iPhone is NOT.."

But then, the music we listen to these days is far more damaging and deceitful than some random backwards balderdash about worshipping Satan. No, those Satanists from back in the day have all retired, knowing full well that when it comes to subliminal messages and deceiving listeners, modern day pop music is in a class of its own.

Given below are three of the most ridiculous songs that we didn't know were ridiculous till we actually listened to the song.

No.3 : Kelly Rowland - Motivation

When I first heard this tune it was already no.1 on the Billboard R&B charts. On the surface the track seems like a very sexy, smooth R&B song by the very talented (and often under-rated) Kelly Rowland, and that was that. Then there's the very distracting video, reminding us that Beyonce wasn't the only member of Destiny's Child that had that 'oomph' factor.

But have you really listened to the song? The sexual connotations are blatantly obvious, unlike other raunchy tracks where the double meanings are all somewhat implied rather than really laid out in front of you. But in 'Motivation', Kelly isn't really giving us any where else to look is she? She's as subtle as a peaceful protest involving arson, vandalism and looting (too soon?).

Oh lover, don’t you dare slow down
Go longer, you can last more rounds
Push harder, you're almost there now
So go lover, make mama proud

Yeah. So she's just being very encouraging, and supportive, because obviously her man is some form of long distance track and field athlete, desperately 'pushing harder' and 'going longer' so he can 'last more rounds'. Or not.

Look I get that most hip hop and R&B songs are about sex, but at least they are done somewhat tastefully, or at least attempt to use some tongue-in-cheek in their lyrics. But even Li'l Wayne can't save this song:

Uh, girl I turn that thing into a rainforest

Rain on my head, call that brainstorming

Yeah, you tell her Wayne. Just hope you don't fall in love with an orangutan in there.

(If you got that reference without clicking the link, you win a 1000 internets.)

No. 2 : Nicole Scherzingerburger - Right There

Nicole Scherzinger isn't your average pop diva, though I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps being part of the Pussycat Dolls who so blatantly flaunted their sex appeal to compensate for a marked lack of talent helped, or perhaps being surrounded by such mediocre group members made her look decidedly above average in comparison. 

Still, the girl has a voice. She seems intelligent (she's dating Lewis Hamilton, someone who, you would think, wouldn't date an air-head). You would assume this would be an advantage, but no; in the music industry, you have to be a attractive and appear stupid. So it stands to reason her big hit is a song in which she sounds like a bit of an idiot. 

I have no idea what 'accent' (if you call it that) she's adopted for this song, nor do I know why she's aspiring to sound like Rihanna, a native of Barbados and the owner of the most successful nasal voice in the industry. But no, despite the catchy beats and tune, Nicole somehow manages to sound utterly ridiculous.

Exhibit A:

Come here baby and be my baby

And be my baby oh oh oh

Come here baby put your hands on my body

Hands on my body oh oh oh

Right there keep it right there

I love when you put it right there oh oh oh

Yeah yeah oh oh oh

Yeah

Yeah. Oh oh. Oh. Oh oh yeah. Oh. Yeah. Probably some satanic message encrypted in that.

But it gets better.

Exhibit B:

No you never gonna let no girl take him from me
Never gonna let no girl steal him from me
Never gonna let a girl get that close now
I tell 'em eh eh you're too close now

Sounds rather un-ladylike, don't you think? "Eh! Eh!! EH!! You're too close now okay?? Back off!! He miiiine...!"

And then the pièce de résistance:

I like the way that you talk dirty
Don't wash your mouth out I like it dirty

I can't, I just - I can't take it. I give up. No wonder Nicole shakes her booty every 20 seconds in her video, it's to distract from the lyrics her song.


No.1 : Katy Perry - E.T.


There are some songs that are so memorable, you can relate the very first time you heard it play. I first heard Incubus' "Drive" in 2001 January on local radio. I loved it, I couldn't wait to hear it again. I first heard Santana's "Smooth" on the World Chart Show while in my bedroom. I couldn't believe that guy was from Matchbox Twenty, and I couldn't believe my dad knew who Santana was. I first heard Katy Perry's "E.T." while driving to Colombo. I almost drove my car into the back of a truck while staring at my radio in disbelief.

The fact that this song climbed all the way to no.1 on the Billboard charts (and stayed there for 5 weeks) has almost shattered my faith in the charts completely. The only plausible explanation for why Katy Perry would write about her alien fetish is if in fact she didn't write it. Perhaps it was a joke song that her comic hubby Russell Brand wrote for some stand-up gig he was doing, only the wifey found it in his drawers and decided that it was perfect to showcase her 'range' and 'musical variety'.

Here's a sample:

They say, be afraid
You're not like the others
Futuristic lover
Different DNA
They don't understand you

According to the interwebs, the song is supposedly about 'falling in love with a foreigner'. No doubt, if all Americans feel this way about foreigners and treat them accordingly, this would explain why half the world is (or was) trying to nuke them.

Bring on the chorus!

Kiss me, kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison

Take me, take me
Wanna be a victim
Ready for abduction

Boy, you're an alien
Your touch so foreign
It's supernatural
Extraterrestrial


Who wouldn't want to sing along to that?

Oh there's more:


I wanna walk on your wave length
And be there when you vibrate
For you I'll risk it all
All


You hear that? "All". Just to be there when you 'vibrate'. Because her man is a cell phone.

But my favourite part has to be this:

You're so supersonic
Wanna feel your powers
Stun me with your lasers

STUN ME WITH YOUR LASERS?! I guess in Katy Perry's candy-land world, the act of making love involves her shooting whipped cream out of her boobs till he 'laser-stuns' her into exploding fireworks.

Step 1: Initiate contact

"Beep-boop-beep-boop-beeeeeep!"

Mission complete. Return to star base.

Any other songs that I may have missed? Feel free to add them in the comments below!

The Young And The Jobless

I have often complained about the youth of today, with they're jaded outlook on life and their fascination with anime cartoons (seriously, what the heck?!). They have terrible taste in clothes, music, and I'm not even going to start about education. When it comes to school, they're either dropping out of it or shooting it up.

But thanks to my latest epiphany (which I blogged about here) I decided that perhaps I was being too harsh. I am a strong believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt, so I thought why not go the extra mile and give these little maggots the benefit of the doubt too? (And if any of said 'maggots' are reading this, I hope you know I mean it in the best possible way.) After all, if my teenage years were not forever shrouded in a haze of self-induced amnesia, I might recall perhaps a few incidents where I acted in a sort of 'maggot-ish' way too.

So here I am with my brand new outlook on life, feeling like I'm protecting the ozone or feeding the homeless (or something). It is a strange feeling, not being condescending to the mag - ahem, I mean, the bast - ahem, that is, the li'l runts ('runts' is a step up, ok?). Thankfully though, this didn't last long.


You may or may not know this, but Kandy is a bit - how shall I put this - 'behind the times' (I shall now give you a few seconds to recover from this startling revelation). To those that refuse to believe this outrageous statement, just recently we opened our FIRST mall. Alright, I'll give you a few days to recover from that little bomb. Yes, we now have the Kandy City Centre, or KCC for our abbreviation-addicted masses. All in all it does look rather impressive with its all glass interiors and the 'kandyan-styling' yada yada, but like all things in Kandy it is taking time in picking up, and at the moment the only thing worth visiting is Keels and the a/c offices of the People's Bank.


So I was more than a little surprised to walk in one evening with the family to find a large group of teenagers seated on the ground near one of the blocked off escalators (that goes to a floor with nothing on it). It was all a bit freaky to be honest: it reminded me of a scene from some B-grade horror flick I saw where the characters stumble onto some ghost town filled with people that just stare out of their windows before hurriedly shutting them with a bang. "What the heck are they doing??", I wondered. I mean, there are no benches or ledges for people to sit on in KCC, so they were all just sitting on the ground. All they needed was a banner saying "JUSTICE FOR STAIRWELLS" and I'd have assumed they were protesting against the use of escalators.


As I stood outside observing these huddled masses, I came to the conclusion that they weren't doing anything at all. They were just 'hanging out'.


Yes, I know how that statement must have come across. I am no alien, and even on the darkside it is perfectly acceptable to lounge about doing absolutely nothing. If I remember right, most of my semesters in college were spent in similar fashion, before the final month of exams of course. However, whenever I 'hung out', I was always with a group and we were always doing something, even if it was as trivial as sipping coffee at Coffee Day or chatting at the courts. Even in Colombo, there are loads of popular hangouts like Majestic City, ODEL e.t.c., but people are rarely ever staring into space with drool dripping down the corner of their mouths. For crying out loud, go window shopping or something! Don't just sit and stare at your reflections in the empty shop windows!


Freaked me out completely. I guess it just goes to show the extent to which a lack of purpose and complete utter joblessness can drive you to.


The thing is, a few more months of my idle state and you'll probably find ME there....!

Of Hair, Retards And Random Things

'Tis the season to be jolly, and how can you not when you bump into the kind of people that I do?

Today we went for a carol service conducted by - well, let's say it was a prominent girls school in Kandy. Two of the girls from our youth group were performing, so we thought we would go and check it out. As we walked up to the hall, I suddenly realised that I was probably going to be one of a very small amount of twenty-something men at the service; sure enough, my first look at the audience confirmed my hunch as the seats were filled with parents and teachers. Normally I have no issues being the sole male in a hall full of girls, but in a few days I am going to turn 24 - drawing the attention of 16year old girls is no longer a good thing.

While I was cursing myself for coming, my mom was collecting the programme sheet from the girls at the entrance. "Excuse me ma'am", one of them said, "would you be interested in purchasing these christmas cards? They're only Rs.25 and they've been designed by retards."

It took every ounce of self-control to prevent myself from bursting out in laughter. The fact that these girls were actually supporting said 'retards' by selling these cards while at the same time using the politically incorrect term was just too hilarious! I can imagine the girls turning up at the organisation's office with the proceeds from the card sales and saying "Here you go, we raised all this money for your retard kids! Oh, you're speechless with gratitude.. No need to thank us, we adore those little dumbasses...!"

The other day we had gone to Colombo for the day. As we did the rounds of our usual joints, i.e., Majestic City, Crescat e.t.c., I soon realised that I was going out of style. Well, let me rephrase - I was definitely not standing out in the crowd. And what a crowd! Every other guy seemed to be sporting some form of mohawk, ear-rings, coloured contacts and some killer kicks. I was especially taken with the hair cuts - the long straightened hair thing has been around for a while, and the weird half-pony tail thing is nothing new either, but a mohawk?! Seriously?? The amount of work that must go into just getting the thing into some semblance of order is just beyond me.

As for me, well, it's a well known fact that my hair is useless. It more or less does whatever it wants, yet is always centered around a single style that I've had since I was 14 years old. I've tried growing it, combing it down, spiking it, parting it, talking to it - nothing works. For example, the other day I realised the hair in front had suddenly decided to point left instead of point right like it's been doing all this while. Sometimes it decides to lie flat, sometimes it makes me look like Tintin; and no matter how much gel I apply on it, it won't budge.

So yes, I am a bit envious of these ultra-cool haircuts, because let's face it; we all like to be noticed once in a while at least. I could of course attempt to colour my hair, but I have a hunch that won't help my job hunt too much. I tell myself that I could never carry off a stud, but the truth is more along the lines of my deep rooted fear of sticking sharp objects into my body (so tattoo's are out - rats!).

Yes, the 'dark one' is going to be lurking in the shadows if/when he moves to Colombo, and that suits him just fine. The view is so much more fun from there anyway......

Old School

I hate kids. Well, not hate; despise. Well, not despise; I just don't like them. Kids are annoying, they're always dirty, they're always trying to do something beyond stupid, and they're always loud. Generally when I'm confronted with a kid, they can sense this; and so the little gears in their undeveloped brains go clickety-clack, and tell the rest of the body to stay away from that tall dark mean looking person (me). Maybe they're not so dumb after all.

I believe that kids need to go through school before they can attempt to have a conversation with me. I just don't have the patience to discuss things like why the world is round and whether a tyrannosaurus rex could defeat a woolly mammoth in single combat. Come back when you graduate from high school please.

However, the way things are going in school these days, they may not come out of it as mature or intelligent as I would hope. The last time I stepped into school was 7 years ago, and while things weren't exactly ship-shape back then, there was always a level of sanity that existed amidst all the madness. Today, that level of sanity has dropped off the charts so to speak, and I kid you not (no pun intended), some of the stories I hear from my younger brother now just boggle the mind. No, I'm not talking about gun violence; thank God, that is reserved for the Yanks.

My brother plays basketball, and the school takes the basketball team as well as the girls netball team together to the university courts for their weekly practice. Now, the netball court is adjacent to the basketball court, and in between these two courts there is a tap for drinking water. Last week, during a break in the training, the boys from the basketball team went over to get a drink from the tap, at the same time that the girls from the netball practice were doing so. While they were all standing around the tap, suddenly from the distance one of the teachers in charge for netball comes running and starts yelling at the boys.

"Go away! Can't you see there are GIRLS here?!?"

Now, just to be clear - this is an open field we're talking about, with two concrete courts set in. The above mentioned tap is in plain view to one and all, and it's not some cordoned off ladies toilet. It's a tap, for crap's sake! Yet this 30 year old primary teacher went into a panic, almost as if the boys had somehow invaded the ladies locker room and were involved in 'vulgar' behaviour. And I've met my bro's friends - even if they did invade a girls changing room, the most outlandish act they'd accomplish would be to stick their tongue out at someone and run laughing from the room. They probably still believe in 'cooties' for crying out loud.

When my bro told me this story, I almost didn't believe him. These guys are in 10th grade! The girls were their classmates! They were standing in line at a tap to drink water! Did she think there was a chance of a spur-of-the-moment wet t-shirt competition breaking out?? Are we still living in the 17th century?! Are these the values our teachers are preaching to the kids?!

Further evidence that our teachers are still in the dark ages - recently I went for a school choir festival, in which our school was taking part. There were 16 items in the programme, with choirs from both primary and secondary schools taking part. They were all of varying talent, but one thing united them all, and that was their songs - only two schools performed songs that were less than 50 years old. The rest were smiling and singing "Home on the range" and "Old black Joe" and other such 'classics'. Later my Mom told me that she sang "Old black Joe" when she was 12 - and even THEN it was considered old!

I love the classics, but why are we teaching songs that my parents sang when they were in primary school? Surely there are better choices from the modern contemporary scene they could choose from! Instead our schools are sticking to their old tried and tested practises, refusing to attempt something new. Why can't school at least be relevant to the students in the music department?

There was a time when we used to curse our educators for not having an open mind towards sex and alcohol, but now we have a new and darker evil; teachers that are preparing our kids for the 'real world'. The world their grandparents lived in.

"Silently dying as the pain and the misery wash over the pieces of my broken heart"

Breakups. Breakups are one of the most common sources of angst, depression and self-loathing in the universe. The heartiest and most cheerful of men have been known to turn into raving suicidal maniacs after a breakup. Women shed tears of anger, then tears of sorrow, then tears of self-pity, followed by more tears of sorrow once she sees her credit card bill from her "drown-my-sorrows-in-a-shoe-store" shopping spree. Breakups suck.

My first breakup occured at the tender age of 14, though I admit it wasn't much of a relationship per say. We met during a 4 day youth camp. Day 1 was a talent show. I got up on stage and sang; she got off her seat and fell in love apparently. The next days were filled with weird teenage flirting, and we parted ways, her with my phone number and me with a somewhat confused look on my face. Soon the parents figured something was up when I started receiving calls from some new friend in Colombo. Naturally, the mother told me to end it, and the next time she called I did. Unfortunately, she had just broken up with her boyfriend, and was calling me to tell me the good news (now all I had to do was 'elope' to Colombo apparently!). There was screaming and crying and then the harsh slam of the phone.

It was the first breakup, and so I remember it with special 'fondness'. But that isn't the reason for this post.

I've been through some rough times in my life; a couple of messy breakups, the occasional bout of depression, the whole 'identity crisis' phase - basically the usual crap that normal people go through in their lives. Yes, life sucks, its works you over, it breaks you, yada yada yada.

What I've noticed especially over that last couple of weeks is that much of the blogosphere is filled with excruciatingly detailed accounts of people's misery. I mean, hardcore 'this-is-what-I-felt-first-and-then-I-felt-this-and-then-I-took-a-deep-breath-and....' type accounts. It makes for painful reading to the unbiased reader, and I can only imagine how traumatising it must be for the author to read his/her post once it's published! Most of these posts spawn from some heart-wrenching and ball-crushing break-up, and honestly after a while you run out of sympathy. Then there are those that come out with extremely artistic prose and/or reflections when faced with difficulties in their lives.

Now this is my problem - why is that we only expose our inner artist when we're faced with a brick wall in our lives? Let's face it, if you can write great prose when you're depressed, you can do the same when you're not, surely! Yet it's almost impossible (almost) to find someone writing a blog post about a GOOD day, or expressing joy or optimism through song!

People that can write songs or poetry are gifted individuals, and I have loads of respect for them. I just wish that they would choose to use their gifts both ways instead of feeding the blogosphere with more stories of heartbreak, betrayal and psycho babble. Make no mistake, I don't expect people to put on a happy face all the time, but at least ONCE in a while, it couldnt't hurt to try and say 'hey, the world hasn't tried to kill me today, my girlfriend still loves me, I just got a raise, my friends are cool, slashing my wrists may not be such a good idea, and my parents aren't the worst people in the world'.

This may seem rather heartless on my part, but I assure you it's not. Contrary to popular belief, the 'dark one' HAS a heart. But I also have a brain, and a generally sunny disposition; besides, I'm not exactly vying for a job on the 'suicide hotline'. I just wish all the great writers out there would lighten up a bit.

Between A Rock And A Loud Place

There are few things on Earth more universally annoying than the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. To some, myself included, just the thought is enough to make them cringe. I have often wondered at this; what is it about this particular sound that annoys one and all? Is it some kind of ingrained genetic programming that has been in all humans since the dawn of time, unknown to us? Or, if one stretches the imagination, perhaps a highly developed early warning system? Yes, something along the lines of “if you hear this sound, the end of the world is just around the corner”. That would make the invention of the chalkboard the most important landmark in human history. Yes, I quite like that.

Next to the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard, a close second in my opinion would be the sound of a bad vocalist killing a good song; which is exactly what my ears are being subjected to right now. My old school is holding a talent show, and my younger brother and his friends have decided to perform. My bro is quite a talented guitarist, especially taking into consideration that he basically learnt it on his own. His friends aren’t half bad themselves; no Joe Satriani’s in the making but decent enough. However their vocalist is, to put it mildly, abysmal. His voice is about as pleasing to the ear as the last cries of a dying animal. His ability to sing is comparable to an unborn infant’s ability to play the viola. If he’s a singer, then I’m pregnant. Well, you get the idea.

However, due to lack of options, and the unhappy chance that he was the only person in their group of friends who couldn’t play an instrument, he was designated as lead vocalist. And since we’re the closest home to school, the boys come over and bless our ears with their sweet auditory assault. Day in and day out they practice yet the problem remains; nothing on Earth could fix his voice.

Resigned to the fact that I was probably going to lose my mind thanks to this abuse, I started to recollect all the other misguided rock star wannabe’s that I had heard through my years in college. I admit, not all of them were as bad as the specimen I described above; in fact some were quite decent singers, though probably not good ‘rockers’. Which brings me the question: why does everyone want to be a rock star? Oh by the way, it’s true; everyone DOES want to be a rock star. It seems to be the recent ‘in’ thing to be; so ‘in’ that it isn’t restricted to the boys anymore. Thank you Avril, thank you Amy Lee.

Most have heard the lyrics of the song “Rockstar” by Nickelback; if not, they go something like this: “Well we all just wanna be big rock stars, that live in hill-top castles driving 15 cars, the girls come easy and the drugs come cheap, we’ll all stay skinny ‘cos we just won’t eat”. Could it be the money, is this the reason? But somehow most of the so-called ‘rock stars’ I’ve come across don’t strike me as the type that are looking to make a life-long career of it. The girls? Well, perhaps in the movies, but to be honest most of the guys I’ve seen on stage have taken extra effort to look downright dirty, matted hair and shit-covered shorts with rubber slippers; you’d have to sing the girls into blindness to score.

There is something about being a rocker that seems to appeal to our male egos. The image of a renegade, a rebel against society and its values, a revolutionary that isn’t afraid to scream out what he’s feeling to anyone who’ll listen. The world of music is full of iconic rockers, from Bono to Black Sabbath, Lynnard Skynnard to Linkin Park, Led Zeppelin to Limp Bizkit, The Doors to The Killers. Each of these groups has a legion of followers that are as faithful to the band as the band members are unfaithful to their spouses. And who wouldn’t want to have that power? Who wouldn’t want to be able to lead hundreds, maybe thousands of fans into song; especially if those songs are penned by you, describing your views on life?

But there lies the problem. You see, not everyone has that gift; the ability to reach out and touch people with their songs, or, if their singing someone else’s songs, the ability to give a performance of sincerity. Being a rock star isn’t just about screaming into a mike and head-banging. Many rock songs, if stripped of their guitars and percussions, turn into pure poetry. Look at any Aerosmith song, U2, Audioslave; just a few examples that come to mind. Some of my personal favourites are Alter Bridge, and the Foo Fighters, especially their big single “Best of You”, off their Grammy award winning double album “In Your Honour”.

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holding you
Were you born to resist?
Or be abused?
Is someone getting the best of you?
Or are you gone and on to someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I’ll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse
Is someone getting the best of you?

Unfortunately, it looks like our wannabe rockers of today just want something to shout about. Some go to the extremes of pretending they really are these rebels, these people with a voice, these stars with something to say; when in reality they’re just ordinary folks, with ordinary lives, trying to be someone their not just so that they’d fit the mould of a rocker.

My advice to you all; there’s nothing wrong in being happy with your life. Just because the likes of 'Staind' and other bands have parental issues and want to kill their dads, doesn’t mean we need to feel the same way. Rock is about expression, rock is about feeling; if you have no feelings to express, well, you’re kinda screwed.

As for my little friend across the hall, attempting to belt out Breaking Benjamin’s “Sooner or Later”, he’s just an amateur; I’m sure the only reason he wanted to get on stage was to score. The way he's singing though, he’d have a better chance if he suddenly transformed into a green leprechaun; only a pot of gold could make the girls ignore that voice!

Remote Censor

As I’ve mentioned before in one of my earlier postings, I’m quite the ‘movie buff’. I’ve seen most of the really good movies from the last decade and a half. I am also pretty up to date when it comes to music; (though I admit the hip hop scene has not been very interesting off late). But one topic that I am rather ignorant about is television shows.

Thanks to the wonderfully-glorious-and-widely-used-yet-illegal blessings of piracy, television shows have become one of the most downloaded media on the internet. I had a friend who knew what time Desperate Housewives aired in the States, and also knew how many hours afterwards he would find the episode online. His adept calculations, which took into consideration the show duration as well as the different time zones, were so natural to him I sometimes wonder whether he should have become a travel agent. Just like him, there are many others who have a collection of sorts when it comes to TV shows.

So why is it that I have somehow been out of the loop when it comes to TV? The main reason is that I watch TV at home during the weekends. That’s when they show all the repeat episodes of the shows aired during the week. Theoretically it should be a bonanza for me, a day filled with a mad mix of television genres, which would inevitably end in my passing out, senseless but satisfied. Just one problem; I have parents, and a younger brother.

This is the problem with living at home; everything has to be censored. Now, I know my brother is 16, but being the older brother I still have to make sure that there is some kind of moderation. And even if my mom is willing to let me watch something adult oriented (being an ADULT after all), my brother inevitably ends up watching TV with me, so my hands are tied. You must be thinking, “Surely that can’t be a problem; just don’t watch anything too graphic and you’ll be fine”. Easier said than done, my friend.

You see, there are certain trade secrets to television, and the media giants behind every successful show are in on them. No television show can work unless you have something sensual or racy involved. It doesn’t have to be of the in-your-face-oh-look-I’m-nude nature, but even something with mild connotations will work. Don’t believe me? Well take a look at some of your favourite shows, only this time put your darkside-conspiracy-theory glasses on.

Prison Break

Oh sure, this looks safe, it’s all about ‘crime’ and stuff. But besides the low key violence, there are drug references, references to homosexuality and let’s not forget Holly Valance’s extremely well planned lap-dance diversion in season 2.

Desperate Housewives

I don’t even have to start; the title of the show is enough to set off the alarm bells. Just imagine this scene: “Mom I’m watching TV!” “What’s on TV?” “Desperate Housewives” Yeah, that’ll go down well. And even if you manage to work your way around that little obstacle, any scene with Eva Longoria strutting around in lingerie or seducing some random gardener will really get you killed.

The O.C.

At least they managed to title the show something that was safe. But a drama involving rich high school kids can only lead to the obvious conclusions, especially when said ‘high school kids’ all appear to be in their early 20’s. Or maybe kids are just dumber in Orange County.

Smallville

Ah, this sounds like a safe bet doesn’t it? A show about Superman as a boy, growing up in quiet old Smallville, Kansas. Think again. Tom Welling, who plays Clark Kent, is 22 years old. And yet, his character is, you guessed it, in HIGH SCHOOL. Despite his Kryptonian descendancy, I guess Superman was obviously quite illiterate. So it’s only natural that Clark Kent has to have some reason to flash his pecs and six-pack every now and then, and Lana Lang obviously has to find some way to be infected by an alien flower that makes her… horny. (Some handy flower huh?) And then there was the alien creature that infected people and built up adrenaline in their brains, thus leading the entire community to do mad things, such as make out with ex girlfriends in plain view. I rest my case.

One Tree Hill

So there’s this guy, who has a girlfriend in college, but leaves her for someone else, not knowing that the ex-girlfriend is pregnant with his son. He marries his new girlfriend, has another son, who ends up being his love-child’s arch enemy. They grow up, learn basketball, and swap girlfriends every now and again. Yes, let’s watch this show. It shows real promise. And when ratings start to fall, get Sophia Bush to shed a few clothes here and there, and throw in a lesbian side character. (I’m not making this up!)

Star Trek: The Next Generation

I just thought I’d throw this in because of personal experience, even though it’s an old show. I used to watch this faithfully when I was a kid, despite its late air time. One day my parents were bored and sat down to watch it with me. So it was only natural that that particular episode would involve the Enterprise docking on a certain planet whose communities have no laws. Hence everyone is having sex with everyone else in the open. Wonderful. I didn’t even last 5 minutes into that show.

Ugly Betty

Yes, you’d think that this show would be a winner, but I’m afraid not. How can it be, when Betty’s boss Daniel ends up sleeping with random models every other episode, and then falls for Rebecca Romijin Stamos, who turns out to be his long lost transsexual brother? Need I say more?

I could go on and on, but I think I’ve made my point. Late night television has now become as safe as a weekend in Amsterdam, and is probably as beneficial too. My weekends are spent watching television with the channel advance button firmly under by thumb; I tell you, it’s just not the way to watch TV. I can only sit and pray that ESPN won’t catch on and insert custom made Victoria’s Secret ads between the games.

Or am I too late?

Hurray for global warming!

The kids are all completely mad.

Yes, its true. Todays generation of teenagers are losing touch with sanity. Losing touch? Nay, they've completely alienated themselves from it! You'd think the world was bad enough as it is the way the 'adults' are running things (every other nation trying to blow up someone else, kill people here for oil, kill people there for land, kill people because they're black, kill people because they're white, kill people over here for trying to kill us first; well you get the idea!), but putting your faith in today's youth to carry the world through is like a 400-lb man doing situps; it'll give you a nice warm feeling for a while, but in the end its all just pointless.

Why this bleak outlook, you ask? Don't I know that today's youth are arguably more intelligent than any generation in recorded past, with higher average IQ's and better learning capacities than our parents and grandparents? Also, don't I know that today's youth have more oppurtunity, security, are in better health and have more priveleges than all generations before us? Why, they're just blessed beyond words aren't they?

Yes, that's all true, and maybe I should rephrase. Maybe they're not ALL mad, but the ones I've come across sure are!

It seems to be a trend with teenagers in Sri Lanka to have two aims in life; get out of school, and then find another aim in life. The teenagers of today have given a new meaning to the term 'secondary school'; to them, it definitely is secondary, if not tertiary or dead last in their priority list. To be fair, its not their fault; our education system is so counter-productive that its hard to find enough reason to convince your 16yr-old-hormone-crazed-always-on-edge kid not to drop out after 10th grade.

Most kids nowadays just don't care about anything anymore. The apathy is easily seen in their words and actions, and is disturbing not just in its presence but in its intensity. Engaging them in a conversation with the words 'future' and 'career' in it is like driving a car without wheels. Through mud. Backwards. Most boys turn to booze, pot and angry metal bands with names like "Serpent's Backside" or the sort, claiming to be enlightened. (Heck, the only way you could enlighten them is to set them on fire.) Sri Lanka may still be known for its smiling faces in the future, but the cause may more likely be due to some form of herb rather than our affinity to foreigners. Most girls on the other hand just mope around with some random boys and then eventually elope with a rickshaw driver and are never heard from again. I kid you not.

True, this may describe only a small percentage of today's youth in its entirety. But the trend in the recent past is disturbing; more kids are just not bothered with their life anymore. They just don't have the faintest idea why they should waste valuable time and gray matter to work out where they're going to be in 10 years. Of course, its easy for us to immediately blame the so-called 'western society' and its evil and perverted morals. But there has to be more to it than that.

Well then its a good thing that global warming is going kill us all. We can rest assured that the future of the world will be left to single-celled organisms and roaches, rather than our misguided and jaded youth. What a relief!