One of the many things we have grown accustomed to is this supposed need to express ourselves. I blame the ridiculous number of movies that make up our diet these days, filled with witty one-liners, poetic last words, snappy dialogue and stirring verbose speeches. Oh how we long for those moments where we get to use just the right analogy, just the right dip in tone to convey some deep emotion.
If it's not using the right words at the right time, then we have other forms of expression. There's dance, song, music, art, prose - really, almost anything can be used to 'express' ourselves. Even blogging, for what is blogging if not another way for us to get those murky 'feelings' out in the open for everyone to see and share and comment on? Sure, many of us don't write for the feedback but rather for the 'therapeutic' effect it has on the writer, but either way it is a form of expression.
I am not really a man of words. Honestly, there are many times when I wish I were, but for some reason the words never really come out right for me. I guess that's partially why I resort to sitting behind my piano and playing other people's songs, as my good friend St.Fallen so eloquently put it. I'm just not that great with the emotion. However, I can't be called an unemotional man either.
But perhaps there's more to it. I have been through so much in my life; nothing of the life-shattering nature, yet so much has been squeezed into my 24 years on this Earth that sometimes I feel like I've been here much longer. The highs and lows, the joys and pains, the scars, the sorrows, the victories and the failures - it all culminates to make me the person that I am today.
And as I stand outside my home in Kandy, listening to the silence that often pervades our surroundings in the evening, I think of all the people in my life. I have let so few of them inside, so few of them have had even a glimpse of the actual person I am, and yet even with these few special individuals, I have never fully been able to explain the intricate workings of my life. How I wish I could write a song to explain things to you, or a poem to show you the overpowering helplessness and loneliness I feel. How I wish I could paint you a picture of what it feels like to be left behind. Even this post is hopelessly inadequate, despite the almost physical effort I am putting into it to express what I mean.
So what DO I mean? Well, perhaps we have all gotten too used to expressing ourselves. Maybe freedom of expression is over-rated. Maybe we've forgotten what it is to be silent. Maybe there are some things in life that cannot be explained in words, that cannot be illustrated on canvas or labelled and categorised. Maybe we should learn to accept those situations, feelings and emotions as such - undefinable. Perhaps you will never understand, perhaps I should stop expecting you to. Perhaps, somewhere in there, I will make my peace with that and move on.
This is the part where I'd add some wise and astute saying, phrase or poem but sadly I know none. So let me just end by saying - you don't understand. But I'm okay with that.
If it's not using the right words at the right time, then we have other forms of expression. There's dance, song, music, art, prose - really, almost anything can be used to 'express' ourselves. Even blogging, for what is blogging if not another way for us to get those murky 'feelings' out in the open for everyone to see and share and comment on? Sure, many of us don't write for the feedback but rather for the 'therapeutic' effect it has on the writer, but either way it is a form of expression.
I am not really a man of words. Honestly, there are many times when I wish I were, but for some reason the words never really come out right for me. I guess that's partially why I resort to sitting behind my piano and playing other people's songs, as my good friend St.Fallen so eloquently put it. I'm just not that great with the emotion. However, I can't be called an unemotional man either.
But perhaps there's more to it. I have been through so much in my life; nothing of the life-shattering nature, yet so much has been squeezed into my 24 years on this Earth that sometimes I feel like I've been here much longer. The highs and lows, the joys and pains, the scars, the sorrows, the victories and the failures - it all culminates to make me the person that I am today.
And as I stand outside my home in Kandy, listening to the silence that often pervades our surroundings in the evening, I think of all the people in my life. I have let so few of them inside, so few of them have had even a glimpse of the actual person I am, and yet even with these few special individuals, I have never fully been able to explain the intricate workings of my life. How I wish I could write a song to explain things to you, or a poem to show you the overpowering helplessness and loneliness I feel. How I wish I could paint you a picture of what it feels like to be left behind. Even this post is hopelessly inadequate, despite the almost physical effort I am putting into it to express what I mean.
So what DO I mean? Well, perhaps we have all gotten too used to expressing ourselves. Maybe freedom of expression is over-rated. Maybe we've forgotten what it is to be silent. Maybe there are some things in life that cannot be explained in words, that cannot be illustrated on canvas or labelled and categorised. Maybe we should learn to accept those situations, feelings and emotions as such - undefinable. Perhaps you will never understand, perhaps I should stop expecting you to. Perhaps, somewhere in there, I will make my peace with that and move on.
This is the part where I'd add some wise and astute saying, phrase or poem but sadly I know none. So let me just end by saying - you don't understand. But I'm okay with that.
7 comments:
Perhaps you overlook the fact that you just eloquently 'expressed' your desire to be understood..:) beautiful written and dare I say..'I get you'? :)
dude! emo much? :p
nah i get what ur trying to say. No one can ever completely know you. you are too complex even for your to know yourself. and talking and expression IS overrated, simply because language 9or cimmunication) is too narrow in its confines to convey the myriad complex thoughts and feelings that we feel. So sometimes silence and acceptance works better than words, i would say most of the time. Sadly the world is too busy talking.. good post.
"How I wish I could write a song to explain things to you, or a poem to show you the overpowering helplessness and loneliness I feel. How I wish I could paint you a picture of what it feels like to be left behind."
That right there's called expression my friend. You just haven't realised it.
No one ever understands, man.
It's just not possible. Every life on this earth is unique to itself, you can't understand exactly what someone else has been through, ever. You can only relate.
It doesn't matter how good you are at expressing yourself, you can still be misunderstood. As for you not being a man of words, fuck that, be a man of music,or art, or whatever you express yourself with.
It shouldn't matter if others get what you're trying to say, what matters is that you say it.
Apparently 'expressing oneself' comes more naturally to the female of the species...but I don't know how far that's true. Also, it has to be said that a lot of people who seem to be quite at ease writing poems, songs etc...well sometimes there's a lot of escapism involved; they're not really expressing their true selves at all. So don't be too hard on yourself :-)
I think expressing oneself is necessary sometimes...miscommunication can lead to a lot of unnecessary heartache. But words aren't the only method of expression. There's body language, tone of voice etc.. Maybe people just need to be more observant? :-)
And at the end of the day...you don't need everyone to understand you no? Only the ones that count...and they probably understand more than you realise :-).
Conveying what you feel and who you are accurately never comes easy for anyone, just that some are better with their words than others.
You not being able to be expressive with words takes a backseat to how you are with your actions and sometimes, maybe thats all it takes.
Value the people in your life who understands you and accepts you for the person that you are; words or not coz they end up being the ones hanging around and respecting all your decisions without you explainin 'em, till the end.
Plus, the worlds full of jackasses who talk too much and has an opinion about everything anyway =) we dont need to add to that.
Nice post.
Sabby, you just HAD to drag me into it at the end there didn't you? :p
You just inspired a post in my head, for better or for worse.
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