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When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

What Women Want

When in a relationship, there are certain expectations from both parties. It's like skin and a Pussycat Doll's video - it just comes with the territory. We can pretend that there isn't ("no, I like them because of their music and their dance moves") but let's face it, there always is. One of the expectations for the male individual in the relationship is to shower, nay, bombard the female counterpart with compliments.

I'm not quite sure how it works for gays - but let's not go there.

We try to ignore it and make do without it. Men are simple creatures, and we generally say what's on our mind because we don't have the brain power to process it and analyse it like the women do. So instead of forcing a compliment, we try to be 'honest' and only say nice things when we actually feel it. Then we get dumped.

So after a few painful lessons, we eventually learn. Compliments. That's the way to go. So we turn up all fresh and clean for our dinner date, pick her up, smile and say as sincerely as we possibly can - "You look fabulous tonight".

She turns, looks at you, and in your mind's eye you can see all sorts of very 'nice' things happening for the rest of the evening. Why didn't you think of this earlier?!

But instead, she says "Really? Oh no I don't. I just threw this together. It's actually my friend's top. And it makes me look skinny. I don't like it."


"Err, but it still looks very nice you know"

"Oh you should see the top she borrowed from me! That's so sexy! I can't believe she hasn't returned it! She's such a bitch!"

"Err. Yes. Err. Hmmm."

Women want compliments. They LOVE compliments. They NEED compliments. So why can't they take one when we give them?!

I remember when I first starting dating my ex. She was a looker, I'll tell you that much, and I would always tell her that. But no matter how hard I tried, I could never get one to stick. The words "Thank you" were apparently not in her vocabulary, instead there were a dozen reasons why she WASN'T beautiful and why she DIDN'T have nice hair etc etc.

The next time I heard another excuse about why her nose was just a bit too big I gave it to her straight - "I think the words you're looking for are 'Thank you' ". She stopped and stared at me, and for a second I thought I was a dead man. Then she laughed. I had won.

This phenomena isn't just restricted to relationships however. Women struggle to accept compliments in general. Try telling a friend she looks nice and she'll either think you're hitting on her or she'll think you're making fun of her.

Or is it just me? Maybe women do accept compliments if it comes from the right guy. If nerdy-goody-two-shoes-still-living-in-the-80's-and-thinks-Michael-Jackson-is-cool dude tells a girl she looks hot, she'd probably faint and die from the shame. If the stud from the office swings by all uber-cool like and says "Babe, you look AWESOME today!", winks and swings away, she'd probably speed dial everyone of her gal pals and shriek the good news, (if only to make them jealous).

Bottom line: to all the men - keep throwing them compliments out there. If you're better looking and 'cooler' than me, perhaps you'll get some to stick.

To all the women - give me a break.

Thank you.


lucky_me said...

You're so right! We women can't really take a 'you're hot', 'you're beautiful' with a simple thank you.
You know what? It's cuz we're INSECURE (yea i know, SO hard to believe)!
Me personally, i feel like when someone says i'm hot, or pretty etc that they JUST want to fuck me (to put it very blatantly)!
So i wud only accept it from a guy who i'm genuinly interested in, who i have been seeing for a while. Otherwise i feel like it's a their way of wriggling into my pants!

"She turns, looks at you, and in your mind's eye you can see all sorts of very 'nice' things happening for the rest of the evening."

That kinda proves what i just sed!

So guys, b aware of WHEN u compliment a girl, HOW you do it, and WHO you are to her...

Oh btw, getting a compliment from a gay guy is like THE best!!

dinasha said...

It probably depends on the girl as well.. If she's been the nerdy girl in glasses whom noone noticed for years (yeah that reads me - getting a surprising amount of attention now, so pity me not :P ), she'll probably either faint or stare at u in open-mouthed surprise (personally don't think that's a very attractive pose so the simple creature in u may be tempted to retract the compliment) which while it doesn't represent 'thank you' exactly, may signify some form of acceptance frozen due the state of astonishment she is in... Multiply the likelihood of this happening by 10 if u actually happen to be the office stud. *grins*

But yeah, compliments from gay guys are the best :P

PseudoRandom said...

I very rarely get compliments from guys so when I do get one, I make sure I say 'thank you'. I do agree that the majority of girls don't know how to take a compliment, though.

I have to say though, I don't know if I agree with your advice to keep throwing the compliments. Admittedly I don't take compliments from my female friends well...'cos I think they're just saying that because it's the done thing. Compliments from my guy friends mean more 'cos they're rare...so if they compliment me, I must be looking good! Maybe the trick is to make the compliment more personal and sincere?

DeeCee said...

lolol. maan...Boy must be going crazy tryign to figure me out. :)

Jerry said...

You know what "Let's just be friends" means when coming from a girl?
It is the equivalent of going to a job interview, and then being told
"We really like you, and you're better than all the other candidates, but we just won't hire you. Instead we'll just keep comparing all the others to you and occasionally call you to complain about who we DID hire."

And yeah man, like someone said, just keep em rare. Then they know it's da reel thang.


Middle Child said...

erm i think u have met all the wrong women. Some of us actually do know how to say thank u when u pay a compliment coz we know u r being genuine and even if u r not, it's still a compliment. and really, we don't care who it comes from either.

Gehan said...

lucky_me: well, my illustration was just that - an illustration. most times we really mean it, but hey there are the exceptions who are tryin to get into ur pants.. as for compliments from gay guys.. i have no idea :D

dinasha: congrats on becoming hot! :D

pseudorandom: perhaps, but why should a compliment be personal to be sincere? a polite "you look nice today" can be said to anyone, surely.. and good, at least YOU say thank you :)

DC: Boy HAS to be crazy to try and figure you out ;)

Jerry: as usual, ur comments are funnier than my posts.. lol.. :D

MC: yes, its official, i HAVE met all the wrong women.. the intelligent ones seem to be either taken or hide behind anonymous blogs :P

PseudoRandom said...

Oh I don't mean that the compliment has to be personal in order for it to be sincere. What I meant was that if it is personal, it's more obvious that it's sincere. I think a generic compliment is more likely to be dismissed as being a cover for ulterior motives.

Scrumpulicious said...

I always say thank you! :P

Jerry said...

Don't play yourself down man,
I wouldn't have anything to comment on if not for you.


Saksh said...

..... i dont believe this!! ... n u thot i was nt following ur blogs..

T said...

great post, and jerry's comment: so true!!

Makuluwo said...

LOL funny post, too true :)

Charm Bracelet said...

Well... if it's a guy u like - just smile, say thank you, turn head - blush to kingdom come(which is inevitable and far better than counter arguing), gather ur self and move on!

If it's a random friend, do the above minus the turn-head-blush thing.

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