Land of The Blind

As I’ve mentioned many times before, when I started blogging I had no real direction or purpose. I had no illusions of overnight fame or sudden world-wide recognition either. However, I must admit that somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, I secretly hoped that people would actually LIKE what I wrote.

Yes, well, it’s safe to assume that those expectations have gone up in smoke. To date I have received numerous accusations, from the bizarre (“You need a girlfriend”) to the downright mean (“You’re so jobless, get a life. And a girlfriend”).

Not one to take such constructive criticism lightly, I decided to take appropriate measures to fix my flaws. After many failed attempts at acquiring a girlfriend (“Can we at least be friends? Can I just tell people that you’re my girlfriend? Please?? I write a blog by the way….”) I decided to attack the Sunday papers to remedy my ‘joblessness’.

Two hours, one crossword, several cartoons and a few magazines later, I reached the employment section. This is not my first time browsing through the employment section; it was through the papers that I landed my first job interview a long time ago. It was at an IT firm that was looking for ‘business development executives’. Despite my lack of experience in the field, based on the assurances of a ‘complete training’ by the ad and the fact that they actually called me for an interview, I decided to give it a shot. When I reached the address however, I found myself standing in front of a rather large floral shop. Convinced I had the wrong place (or that I was part of the most elaborate and original prank ever) I called the number from the paper. Well what do you know; the so-called ‘IT firm’ is actually located on the first floor of the floral shop, and in fact shared the waiting room (and receptionist) with them. So there I was, in my shirt and tie and shiny shoes, feeling like a complete idiot while being surrounded by anxious in-laws and even more anxious brides-to-be planning out their nuptials. When I was finally called up for my interview, the first question that I asked was which genius thought that this would be a prime location to attract IT clients. Apparently the founders of this ‘firm’ were also the founders of the floral shop. Talk about diverse interests. Amid assurances that it was a ‘temporary’ situation, we got on with the interview. It didn’t take me long to realise that they were slightly mad. It seems their idea of ‘business development executive’ was someone who would run the Kandy branch of their ‘IT firm’ from the Kandy branch of their floral shop. For a span of three full seconds, I envisioned myself as head honcho, running the entire branch, king of my castle; a castle of dandelions and roses. I couldn’t run away from the interview fast enough.

Needless to say, I resolved to be a bit more cautious while browsing the ads this time. Now, I’m not exactly a man with a host of qualifications. A degree, a diploma, no work experience but nice hair. Surely someone would want me. But evidently I was wrong. Most of the large firms and companies were looking for people to replace in key managerial positions, such as operations managers and technical and logistics managers. Such positions naturally warranted at least 5 years of experience, MBA’s, degrees in business and economics and financial management and god-knows-what-else. The technical vacancies were not promising either; apparently there is an insurmountable dearth of air condition specialists. Everyone from the Ports Authority to Pizza Hut was looking for one.

Not one to give up so easily, I continued on. After seriously considering joining the new Burger King in Saudi Arabia (“Free one way ticket included? Hmmm...”) I reached the jobs that did not need extensive work experience or a 101 degree’s in things I didn’t even know you could get a degree in. But here I was faced with a different dilemma; all the apprenticeships and trainee jobs were looking for school leavers! And this wasn’t just one or two ads; there was a whole host of companies offering rather attractive job opportunities to high school drop-outs. All of a sudden I find myself in the rather awkward position of being over-qualified. Me, over-qualified; who’d have imagined that?!

To me, this is just another example of the stupidity of the world. Instead of encouraging our rather retarded and jaded youth into educating themselves and trying to pursue a respectable and high earning career, we provide them with even more motivation to drop out of school by looking for people with ‘minimum GCE O/L pass’ and offering them titles such as ‘corporate sales / marketing executives’. Who can blame them for not wanting to finish 12 years of school when as long as you pass 10 years somehow you can get a job without a problem? How can you explain to a 16-year-old on the verge of earning for the first time that in the long run, having a proper education will be a better decision? All he can see in his head is a five figure salary and a playstation.

So despite not being able to find anything really enticing for myself, at least I can see where our country is heading in the next 5 years. All these teens will have years of work experience in their firm and also the inability to get a job anywhere else, as well as the inability to get promoted to a higher position due to their, you guessed it, lack of qualifications. The larger firms will be forced to increase their requirements to ‘persons below the age of 65’ and smaller firms will have to remain small. As for these 20-somethings without an A/L qualification, they’ll be forced to open their own firms and send out ads that will probably look something like this:

"Wanted! Helper to the General Manager. We are a firm that does cool stuff like buying stuffs and selling stuffs at higher price to other people so that we make major moneys. Should be able to type and count in English language. Will be nice if you are a girl under 21. If not then also its ok. Send your papers to my address, or go to my facebook profile. If you are girls send pics also, will be appreciate. Fat people, old people, ugly people and people without grade 6 pass need not apply."

It’s not all bad though, I mean, you know what they say: “In the land of the blind, the one eyed midget is king”.

Guess who’s suddenly ‘qualified’ to be the one-eyed midget….?