Home

Wish I were with you, I couldn't stay

Every direction leads me away

Pray for tomorrow, but for today

All I want is to be home

...

People I've loved, I have no regrets

Some I remember, some I forget

Some of them living, some of them dead

All I want is to be home

...

In my short stint as a blog writer, I've rarely come across a mental block as bad as what I've been going through now. I've typed and deleted 4 draft posts in the last 24 hours alone! It's not really a case of not having anything to say, it's more like not knowing how to say it.

As usual when I'm confronted with this, I turn to music. And, more often than not, either the Foo Fighters or Incubus come to my rescue. In this case it's Dave Grohl's boys and their track "Home" from the latest album "Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace" (love that album name for some reason).

It's been said that home is where the heart is. Somehow that doesn't really help much, especially in my situation, because I don't really know where my heart is. The last 6 months or so have been interesting to say the least. I'm not the type of person to open out to just anyone, and so I have kept most of my personal musings to myself instead of exposing them on this blog.

This is a bit different though. In a few days I will be heading back to India, back to my college campus. I need to get some paper work done with regards to my degree, and if you know how things work in the Indian subcontinent, you'll know that the saying "If you want something done right you got to do it yourself" is not just apt, it's something of a motto for life. However, I'm not complaining. To me it's a golden oppurtunity to get in touch with some old friends and, most important, I get to finally spend time with real people instead of in front of my computer screen! (I know, how sad do I sound huh?)

Despite living at home the last 6 months, I've always felt something was wrong. Make no mistake, I love my mad family. I don't agree with them on everything, we have our fights and little hang ups, but hey that's what family is (or so I'm told). Despite how much I enjoyed the home cooked food and the freedom to flop in front of the TV whenever I feel like, the price I had to pay was that of being cut off from real people. I didn't have that many friends in school, and the few I did have are all out of the country, leaving the 'dark one' pretty much alone in Kandy. Of all places.

So my life has consisted mainly of jogging, gyming, listening to music and blogging. Sure the odd interview here, the odd trip to Colombo there, but all in all it hasn't been the most productive period in my life. The fact that i have still managed to spew out some 30 posts in this time is a testament to my ability to talk utter nonsense irrespective of the surroundings.

I have been looking forward to this trip for a while now. I know that this will probably be the last time I see them for a long time. In that respect, three weeks seems much too short a stay, but that is out of my hands. If anything, I've learnt over the last few months that when you get the oppurtunity to be happy, that you should hold onto it and appreciate it as much as you can, while you can - and that is exactly what I plan on doing.

Bottom line: Despite being at home for 6 months, I feel like I'm only going 'home' now. These people were almost like family to me during my stay in college. I have a fantastic array of anecdotes to tell involving them, and most importantly, they respect me for who I am. It's not often that people can boast of friends like that, and I realise how blessed I am.

Of course, there may be a beautiful girl with a gorgeous smile waiting for me there too. But I digress...

So Darkside Daily will be on hold for a few weeks. It seems to be terrible timing with regards to the blog, because my hit counter has been telling my very nice things regarding the increasing average hits per day. Still, I may get a chance to blog from there, so keep your 'darkside glasses' on.

Peace, take care, stay safe and remember to spread the darkness.

G