Spare Me: 5 Annoying Things That Have Got To Stop

They say you can't have too much of a good thing. (Or do they say the opposite? I'm not exactly sure.) However, this is far from the truth, which I discovered through careful scientific experimentation. (Just the other day I almost died by chocolate overdose. It was awful, and my love for chocolate did nothing to alleviate this.) No, there is such a thing as overkill, and it is prevalent in almost everything you can find.

So as a public service, I would like to list the top 5 things that have lost their once grand appeal because of trying too hard, for too long.

1. Beyonce

Look, I get it - she's the diva of all diva's, she's the original independent woman, and the only real talent behind Destiny's Child apparently. Yes, she's a great artist, and she is married to Jay-Z, thus sealing her status in the hip-hop pantheon. She's curvy and proud of it, and is an inspiration for girls of all ages.

But enough already.

Honestly, when Beyonce went solo and started belting out these raspy old-school beat hits, it was a breath of fresh air and something so unique in the modern hip-hop scene. But it's become so repetitive, so fast. Drum beat, weird dancing, a few horns in here, something you can repeat while shouting along, ("Single ladies, single ladies...", "Lemme upgrade you, lemme upgrade you..", "Halo! Halo! Halo! Halo!", "Who run the world.. GIRLS! Who run the world.. GIRLS!", "Get me bodied, get me bodied, work your body, work your body..!"), and some awkward pictures to promote the single, usually with Beyonce contorted like a pretzel while wearing 21inch heels.

Contortionist Beyonce

Crocodile Hunter Beyonce

White Beyonce on Skates

The throwbacks have been done to death Beyonce, it's time for B to find a new beat.

2. DSLR's

Thanks to advancements in technology, professional cameras are no longer restricted to the wedding photographers and those old antique photo-studios where married couples and all the entourage vanish in to after a wedding. No, now you can own your very own DSLR, if you're willing to spend upwards of a small fortune. 24 megapixels? Yes! ISO 12800? Um, sure! DIGIC-4 image processor? I.. err.. I think so. F-3.8 to 5.6? Of course! Wait, does it come with flash?

But now we have itty-bitty teenagers, with their overly-generous parents, lugging around high-end DSLR cameras bigger than their heads so that they can take pictures of their house parties and upload all 600 of them onto Facebook. Just to justify the expense though, they take a picture of something not completely in focus and a bit off-centre and they call themselves photographers.

It has to stop. I vote the photography club of Sri Lanka issue licenses to people who are actually interested in the art of photography only, and no one else. Anyone without a license gets their DSLR confiscated and given to more deserving photographers who don't have pockets as deep as your daddy's. In exchange, you get one of these.

You're welcome!

3. 'How I Met Your Mother'

For those who haven't watched this show, the premise is simple. The narrator, in 2030, is telling his kids how he met their mother back in the 2000's. However, the narrator (Ted) never reveals to us, the audience, who the mother is, instead telling us a series of seemingly unrelated events, including all the escapades with his friends and potential love interests etc, leaving the audience wondering who this wonderful lady could be.

The first three seasons are excellent, filled with witty humour, enough intrigue to have people guessing and second-guessing the identity of the 'mother' while weighing potential scenarios where characters we liked could somehow fit the subtle clues left through each episode like breadcrumbs leading to the fabled 'mother'. Internet forums for the show were flooded with 'conspiracy' theories.

Then it started going south.

I love the whole concept of a love story in reverse, and it is true that the characters are well drawn up and are very interesting. However, HIMYM is now on it's 7th season! Yes, seven years of watching Ted get with several women, learning several things about himself and life along the way, and never quite meeting 'the one'. Seven seasons of average to above-average side stories involving the other characters who, in the grand scheme of things, the audience is not that interested in. I get how the networks wanted to stretch it out as long as they could, and it seems they have set season 8 as the final season, but for the love of all things, expecting viewers to stay engaged in this bizarre 'mystery' for seven whole years is pushing it into "Lost" territory. I predict a massive, massive let down next season.

End it. Now!


4. MBA's

"Sure, anyone can spend 3 to 4 years learning and studying under the guidance of a faculty of trained, experienced lecturers, while completing regular assignments and exams! But why have you not done a masters?"

Remember the time when getting a degree was a big deal, irrespective of what it was in? No, neither do I. That's because it was way before our time, before college degrees became as impressive as your birth certificate. Nowadays anyone can get a degree, and as a result, degrees are no longer held in as much esteem as they once were. Sure, they're enough to get you a job, in some cases. But what then? Limited or no chance of climbing the work ladder, because you've not got the magic letters after your name - MBA.

Doing an MBA used to mean you were interested in running a company, or staring your own business, or something along those lines. Now, however, every Tom, Dick and Harith is enrolled in a weekend class to get a 'speedy MBA', that is, an MBA from a 'reputed' foreign university in only a year instead of two. Without exaggeration, at the moment there are 8-10 people in my company enrolled in an MBA course. What makes it worse is that a majority of them are lost regarding their coursework, and regularly use unfair means to complete assignments, projects and even thesises.

So where does all this end? You suddenly have a load of executives, assistant and deputy managers with MBA's, all from the same place, all at the same time. So once again, prospective employers look at all these qualifications and ask you this:

"Sure, anyone can spend 20 hours every weekend for a year on classes, assignments and exams while working 5 days a week and fulfilling work obligations! But why have you not done a Ph.D?"

MBA students - if you're not genuinely interested in being a Master of business administration, then please just stop.

5. The Kolaveri Di songs

I'm not even going to bother writing a brief intro about this, because you can't possibly have not heard this song.

After taking off in India, the song went absolutely, madly viral in Asia, spawning multiple versions and takes on the song, including Punjabi versions, female 'response' versions, kid versions, rap versions, the Hitler version, even a Sinhala version which I've heard but couldn't find.

I just don't get it. Sure it's one of those songs that get stuck in your head, like every other rubbish song that you hate. But people are gushing over it, praising the musical genius behind the simplistic rhythm and lyrics. Just the other day someone in our department played it on loop for an entire day! I call people for work and the song is their caller tune! Even our telecom provider Dialog started offering it as a downloadable ringtone. Whyyyy??? Make it stop!!

Aptly, Kolaveri is supposed to roughly translate to 'murderous rage'. That is the only thing about that song I understand.