Welcome to Darkside Daily

When I'm not writing about my experiences in this journey called 'life', I'm singing and uploading my own interpretations of modern music. Click on "Cover Songs" to hear them, or on the YouTube logo on the right to see my YouTube channel.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Insomnia


While going through a few of my old draft posts, I stumbled across this. I had written it not too long ago in a moment of 'emotional abandon', a state that lasted almost until I had finished the post. After re-reading it however, I had decided against publishing it, perhaps for the same reason I am posting it now.

It's not often that I am this honest and blunt with myself, and as I read it now I find it almost refreshing. It brings a smile of understanding to my face, and while these emotions may or may not have passed by now, it still is a reminder to me on the importance of being honest with one's self.

Also, I wonder what those last lines would have read, had I continued writing.

Perhaps a more self-indulgant post, and for that I apologise. And yet, perhaps it may strike a chord with someone out there.

Cheers!


G








As usual, I'm awake when I really should be asleep. I honestly find it hard to get even a single nights sleep that is more than 5 hours these days. I thought that once the routine of work would settle in, I'd be hitting the sack early. Not so.

So I'm lying here, and I have GnR's "Civil War" going on in my head for some reason, probably from all the times I played it this morning. It's not a song that puts you to sleep.

I wonder if perhaps I am afraid to fall asleep. That doesn't make sense though. I don't have nightmares; heck, I don't have any dreams at all. The pictures I paint while lying in bed in the dark are much more vivid than any unconscious imagination could be.

One of the reasons I can't fall asleep is because unless I'm utterly exhausted, I end up thinking too much. I reflect a lot; I guess it's just my nature, and I feel that's a good thing. You can learn a lot about yourself from your past.

Personally, I know that I got a lot to learn, and a lot to fix.

It's not easy to admit that I'm wrong about myself, but I think that's where I'm at. For example, reading my old posts, especially the one about me not being a snob, I realise that perhaps I really am. I just didn't know it. It's a sad realisation, that all my indignance at these 'false' accusations were just me fighting the truth. Could it be that I was that wrong about myself?

Another thing - I think the whole 'misunderstood' label is something too liberally used as well. I find myself clinging to that myself, to explain the criticism I receive, and that's pretty sad isn't it? Hiding behind a false sense of right?

What have I become...?

The day light always brings ...

2 comments:

krazykyd said...

Alcohol is what you need. :P

۞ -- MìsChìef -- ۞ said...

:) good you posted it :) i can relate to that, and the later comments posted before :)

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