The End

In continuation of lyrical imagery, here is Pearl Jam with "The End".

I'll be quiet now.

"The End"

What were all those dreams we shared
those many years ago,
What were all those plans we made,
now left beside the road.
Behind us in the road.

More than friends, I always pledge,
cause friends, they come and go.
People change as does everything.
I wanted to grow old.
Just want to grow old.

Slide on next to me,
I'm just a human being.
I will take the blame, but just the same,
this is not me, you see, believe,
I'm better than this.
Don't leave me so cold.
I'm buried beneath the stones,
I just want to hold on and know I'm worth your love,
and I, I don't think, there's such a thing.

It's my fault now, I've been caught,
a sickness in my bones.
How it pains to leave you here
with the kids on your own.
Just don't let me go.

Help me see myself,
Cause I can no longer tell,
Looking up from inside of the bottom of a well,
it's hell, I yell, but no one hears before, I disappear,
whisper in my ear.
Give me something to echo in my unknown future,
you see, my dear, the end, comes near, I'm here,
but not much longer.

Motorcycle Drive By

I remember the first time I heard this song was back in the winter(?) of 2001, during my first semester in college. My friend S had a fantastic collection of alternative music, ranging from the Goo Goo Dolls to Nine Days and of course, Third Eye Blind.

I've always loved this song, for a variety of reasons. I really wish I had the vocal ability to do justice to is but I definitely can't (trust me I've tried).

I just stumbled across the lyrics today for some reason, and I just love the imagery it paints in my head. It's just so.. vivid. I don't want to write more; just click play, and read along.

Let me know what you see.


Have a great week guys. Cheers!


G

---

Motorcycle Drive By - Third Eye Blind

Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
in lower Chelsea
And I don't know what I'm doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid

And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've
Never been so alive

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes and you don't mind
you smile
And say the world it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you
You're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you

And there's things I'd like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen
And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've
I've never been so alive

And there's this burning
There is this burning
(yeaa)

Where's the soul I want to know
New York City is evil
The surface is everything
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is the last time
We'll be friends again
And I'll get over you
And you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning,
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone, alone
And I've, and I've
I've never been so alive

So alive

I go home to the coast it starts to rain I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt and taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this rolling wave
Darkly coming
To take me
Home

And I never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

Perfection And Promises

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I stood at the entrance to my room and paused, just to survey it. It was somewhat spartan, and yet it felt homely to me. Doesn't speak much of my idea of 'home' I suppose. My trusty bedside lamp was on, providing me with its inadequate and yet appropriately dull yellow glow; a peaceful silence seeped through the curtainless windows, waiting as if with bated breath.

"Must get curtains.", I tell myself. I need my privacy, and never as much as I needed it tonight.

The bed was made, and the fan was on. I almost hated to switch it on, it disturbed the quiet that I had been soaking in till then. At that point I realised I was being rather OCD about all this, and I smiled to myself. She was just coming to say 'hi', that's all.

I moved my shoes to the corner, sat on the bed and once again surveyed the room. I felt myself growing anxious with every passing minute in my attempt to make everything just right. I wasn't even sure what I was expecting for that night; all I knew was that I had learned to expect the unexpected. Just a few weeks earlier I had been 'surprised' at Odel; I wasn't going to let that happen again.

"Odel.", I whispered, a wry smile on my lips. I would have to get her back for that.

I turned to my laptop and flicked through iTunes, looking for something that would befit the mood. I knew so little about her, and yet I knew her so well. Kings of Leon were her favourite then, but instead I decided to queue some Andy McKee. Gentle yet precise music, with no vocals; in a strange way I found that very appropriate.

I sat back down on the bed, and waited. There was so much running through my head at that time: work concerns, family problems, and the usual barrage of static that fills your head after a long day. All that faded away though when my phone beeped to indicate a text message. I read it, and smiled as I flicked the switch of my lamp off.

Stealthily, I made my way to the front door and opened it ever so softly.

"Hi", she said, and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

---

This one is for you.

My inadequacies as a writer do no justice to the perfection of that night, perhaps one of the only instances where I can claim to have done something right in an ocean of wrong. My inadequacies as a man do no justice to the perfection of you, either.

Words are cheap, and my words are nothing, just as this post is nothing. Mere letters in cyberspace, soon to be erased by the passage of time like chalk writings on a pavement. Dust in the wind.

You deserve more.

I make you no more promises, for I know your distaste towards them. No more confessions of love and devotion; you are sick of them as well. I cannot ask you for anything; you have already given me so much. Perhaps though, if my words are moot, you will allow me to paraphrase someone else's.

All I ask is, now that my 'time has come';

forget the wrong that I've done

help me leave behind some

reasons to be missed

don't resent me

and when you're feeling empty

keep me in your memory

leave out all the rest.

Insomnia

While going through a few of my old draft posts, I stumbled across this. I had written it not too long ago in a moment of 'emotional abandon', a state that lasted almost until I had finished the post. After re-reading it however, I had decided against publishing it, perhaps for the same reason I am posting it now.

It's not often that I am this honest and blunt with myself, and as I read it now I find it almost refreshing. It brings a smile of understanding to my face, and while these emotions may or may not have passed by now, it still is a reminder to me on the importance of being honest with one's self.

Also, I wonder what those last lines would have read, had I continued writing.

Perhaps a more self-indulgant post, and for that I apologise. And yet, perhaps it may strike a chord with someone out there.

Cheers!


G

---

As usual, I'm awake when I really should be asleep. I honestly find it hard to get even a single nights sleep that is more than 5 hours these days. I thought that once the routine of work would settle in, I'd be hitting the sack early. Not so.

So I'm lying here, and I have GnR's "Civil War" going on in my head for some reason, probably from all the times I played it this morning. It's not a song that puts you to sleep.

I wonder if perhaps I am afraid to fall asleep. That doesn't make sense though. I don't have nightmares; heck, I don't have any dreams at all. The pictures I paint while lying in bed in the dark are much more vivid than any unconscious imagination could be.

One of the reasons I can't fall asleep is because unless I'm utterly exhausted, I end up thinking too much. I reflect a lot; I guess it's just my nature, and I feel that's a good thing. You can learn a lot about yourself from your past.

Personally, I know that I got a lot to learn, and a lot to fix.

It's not easy to admit that I'm wrong about myself, but I think that's where I'm at. For example, reading my old posts, especially the one about me not being a snob, I realise that perhaps I really am. I just didn't know it. It's a sad realisation, that all my indignance at these 'false' accusations were just me fighting the truth. Could it be that I was that wrong about myself?

Another thing - I think the whole 'misunderstood' label is something too liberally used as well. I find myself clinging to that myself, to explain the criticism I receive, and that's pretty sad isn't it? Hiding behind a false sense of right?

What have I become...?

The day light always brings ...

Single Ladies FTW!

There are many things wrong with couples these days. Drama has reached an all time high, as have the levels of PDA, which isn’t all bad to be honest. I always laugh at how couples try to get as close to (and discreetly feel up as much of) the other person as possible, all while walking down the street. It takes great skill and co-ordination to pull that off.

But I digress. Couples, go ahead and do ya thang, I have no issues. Except when it’s in buses and in restaurants and in a 10 foot radius of me. Then we have a problem.

Every once in a while, I make friends with a girl who is fun, relaxed, and doesn’t immediately go to that default conclusion a few annoying women do when a boy is talking to them (“OMG I think he likes me - wait till I tell my BFF - do I look fat in this? - [giggle giggle]..”). Everything is fine and normal and I don’t give anything a second thought, until said friend finds a boyfriend.

Then everything goes to hell.

First, said boyfriend tries to befriend me, if he’s not in my circle of friends. This is fine; we talk, I am polite and act like he’s the cat’s meow, everyone is happy. Right? Wrong.

Phase two involves said boyfriend acting slightly strange towards me. No worries, it’s not my problem.

And then comes phase three. The girl starts acting weird.

It’s all slightly amusing if you look at it. Let’s go with a few examples:

ME: “Hey, where were you? We missed ya at the party last night”
Girl: “Hi, yes I missed everyone that happened to be there, not just you but all persons present. As a friend, I mean”.


ME: “Hey what goes on? Haven’t spoken to you in a while, we should catch up”
Girl: “Hi, yes I haven’t spoken to a LOT of people in a while; I need to catch up with SO many people, not just you, but including you too. As a friend, of course”.


ME: “Can I borrow some cash?”
Girl: “Of course, because I would give cash to ALL my friends if they asked, since I treat them ALL equally and enjoy giving my money to anyone who asks. As.. a friend”


ME: “My cat just died, I’m depressed”
Girl: “Oh that’s terrible news, I feel AWFUL! Just like I would if anyone else’s cat died, because I love all cats equally. As a friend”

You get the point.

Naturally, blame initially falls on the boyfriend in question, but seriously how insecure would you have to be to induce such paranoia in your girlfriend? I mean, he’d have to be reading her texts for any of this to be even close to justified, and surely no one does that. Right? The only explanation I can come up with is that sometimes, when we get into a relationship, there is a particular pattern and expectation of us on how we should interact with people now on. For guys, we’re expected to find all other girls mildly boring yet tolerable, and unattractive as mud. Girls, apparently, are expected to reinforce the perimeters of the friend zone with electric fences and barbed wire.

A rather mundane and pointless observance, I know; and yet, perhaps if there are any ladies out there who are unknowingly doing this, perhaps you will realised the error of your ways and decide to give your guy-friend a break.

After all, he was there first!