Of Hair, Retards And Random Things

'Tis the season to be jolly, and how can you not when you bump into the kind of people that I do?

Today we went for a carol service conducted by - well, let's say it was a prominent girls school in Kandy. Two of the girls from our youth group were performing, so we thought we would go and check it out. As we walked up to the hall, I suddenly realised that I was probably going to be one of a very small amount of twenty-something men at the service; sure enough, my first look at the audience confirmed my hunch as the seats were filled with parents and teachers. Normally I have no issues being the sole male in a hall full of girls, but in a few days I am going to turn 24 - drawing the attention of 16year old girls is no longer a good thing.

While I was cursing myself for coming, my mom was collecting the programme sheet from the girls at the entrance. "Excuse me ma'am", one of them said, "would you be interested in purchasing these christmas cards? They're only Rs.25 and they've been designed by retards."

It took every ounce of self-control to prevent myself from bursting out in laughter. The fact that these girls were actually supporting said 'retards' by selling these cards while at the same time using the politically incorrect term was just too hilarious! I can imagine the girls turning up at the organisation's office with the proceeds from the card sales and saying "Here you go, we raised all this money for your retard kids! Oh, you're speechless with gratitude.. No need to thank us, we adore those little dumbasses...!"

The other day we had gone to Colombo for the day. As we did the rounds of our usual joints, i.e., Majestic City, Crescat e.t.c., I soon realised that I was going out of style. Well, let me rephrase - I was definitely not standing out in the crowd. And what a crowd! Every other guy seemed to be sporting some form of mohawk, ear-rings, coloured contacts and some killer kicks. I was especially taken with the hair cuts - the long straightened hair thing has been around for a while, and the weird half-pony tail thing is nothing new either, but a mohawk?! Seriously?? The amount of work that must go into just getting the thing into some semblance of order is just beyond me.

As for me, well, it's a well known fact that my hair is useless. It more or less does whatever it wants, yet is always centered around a single style that I've had since I was 14 years old. I've tried growing it, combing it down, spiking it, parting it, talking to it - nothing works. For example, the other day I realised the hair in front had suddenly decided to point left instead of point right like it's been doing all this while. Sometimes it decides to lie flat, sometimes it makes me look like Tintin; and no matter how much gel I apply on it, it won't budge.

So yes, I am a bit envious of these ultra-cool haircuts, because let's face it; we all like to be noticed once in a while at least. I could of course attempt to colour my hair, but I have a hunch that won't help my job hunt too much. I tell myself that I could never carry off a stud, but the truth is more along the lines of my deep rooted fear of sticking sharp objects into my body (so tattoo's are out - rats!).

Yes, the 'dark one' is going to be lurking in the shadows if/when he moves to Colombo, and that suits him just fine. The view is so much more fun from there anyway......