What Australia Taught Me

So in an effort to break from the rather mundane routine that my life has now become, my parents suggested I go check out the Australian Education Fair at the Queens Hotel. Despite my focus being on getting a job at the moment, I thought it couldn't hurt to find out where I stood in terms of applying for a master's programme which is somewhere quite high on my list of goals to achieve before Armageddon.


And boy, it was 'educational'.


Here is what I learnt, in no particular order.


1. The one day you need to get to the Queens, there will be a exposition of The Tooth at the Maligawa right next door.

Seriously, not only did they park buses across all the roads that provided access to that area, but the collective stench of body odour emanating from close to 3000 pious and sweaty pilgrims would have been enough to drive any potential terror threat back to the Vanni.


2. You may have unintentionally worn your killer red and black sunglasses along with a red Billabong t-shirt, but it still makes you look like your trying too hard.

Now I know how women feel when they're in a room full of drunk men. I felt like a piece of meat when I walked into that hall. Honestly, I just threw this together....


3. In an event that involves foreigners, the local liaisons suddenly develop a myriad of different accents that confuse said foreigners even more.


Honestly, the Australians sounded less Ozzy than some of ladies I spoke to. Why do we assume that the only way foreigners can understand us is if we sound like them? If English isn't their first language, so what? Why are they leaving their country if they don't know the international language? (No, I'm not talking about 'love' - go hug a tree you hippy) And for pete's sake, these were Australians. They DO know English! If they can't understand your attempts at communication, trust me, adopting their accent isn't going to help either.


4. Despite the number of smiles and quick glances you get from the cute girl at the stall your waiting in line in, she will find some excuse to leave 24 seconds before it's your turn.


The balding Australian man I spoke to must have thought I was the least enthusiastic applicant in the history of education.


5. Even though this is not an airplane, Sri Lankan aunties will still try to steal random fliers, pamphlets and brochures as if it is their right.


The brazen audacity some of these ladies had was just shocking. While the representative was talking to me, this one aunty quietly swooped in and tried to steal a few brochures from right under his nose! When he looked up with an amused smile, she gave our patented Lankan get-away-with-murder grin. Luckily, the local liaison intervened and spoke to her on the side, after which I think she gave her 'one'. I'm surprised she didn't try to steal the table cloths or the interior decor.


6. The slight pride you get when a representative of a foreign university commends your English quickly fades when he gives you a look of disappointment after hearing your degree percentage.


What? Engineering is tough ok?!


7. Studying in Australia is expensive!

Studying in Australia is expensive.


And there you have it - more words of wisdom from the Darkside.